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How to Build Confidence, Solved

Mark Manson — Wed, 01 Jul 2026 08:00:00 -0000

Confidence isn't something you build. It's what's left over. You've done the pose. Hands on hips, chest out, an affirmation on a sticky note stuck to the mirror. And then you walked into the room feeling exactly the same, or worse. Here's what nobody tells you: the entire concept of confidence you've been sold was invented by an anxious preacher in the 1940s who mistook his own coping mechanism for a universal law. The research is even uglier. Affirmations reliably make insecure people feel less secure. Visualizing success decreases motivation. The most famous confidence technique in history was built on a study of 42 people that the lead author eventually had to abandon. In this episode we trace where it all went wrong, from Norman Vincent Peale to power poses to the self-esteem movement that quietly failed a whole generation. Then we get into what actually works: a discovery made in a room full of snakes, a 2,000-year-old framework that turns out to be empirically correct, and why the sequence runs exactly backwards from everything you've been taught.

Get your free PDF guide: https://solvedpodcast.com/confidence.

CHAPTERS:

Chapters

00:00:00 CHAPTER 1: Why Confidence Advice Is Backwards
00:07:46 Norman Vincent Peale and positive thinking
00:10:44 The Peale Fallacy
00:16:09 When confidence was a sin
00:27:41 Do affirmations work?
00:31:19 Does visualization work?
00:47:01 CHAPTER 2: How Confidence Is Actually Built
00:53:59 Why confidence generalizes to the rest of your life
01:03:04 Self-efficacy and its four sources
01:09:35 The "Do Something" Principle
01:18:56 Mark's coaching story: lower the stakes
01:32:28 The case for a little delusion
01:40:25 CHAPTER 3: Confidence vs. Competence
01:46:09 Calibration and the Dunning-Kruger effect
01:51:46 Imposter Syndrome and the high-performer trap
02:02:05 The Spotlight Effect
02:04:04 Narcissism: why it gets mistaken for confidence
02:11:20 How to actually tell confidence from narcissism
02:26:56 CHAPTER 4: What the Self-Esteem Movement Got Wrong
02:30:26 Where self-esteem came from (William James)
02:44:49 Why the self-esteem movement backfired
02:54:10 How you actually build generalized confidence
03:06:52 Meta self-efficacy
03:16:20 CHAPTER 5: Is Confidence Even the Point?
03:17:02 When confidence was an insult
03:29:04 Courage over confidence
03:36:20 Facing fear: the driving-lessons experiment
03:40:23 Why pursuing confidence is the wrong goal
03:45:13 The takeaway: competence first, confidence follows
03:50:41 The 80/20 of Confidence

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How to Change Your Life, Solved

Mark Manson — Wed, 03 Jun 2026 08:00:00 -0000

If you've ever tried to change something about yourself, failed, tried again, and concluded you must just be broken, here's some good news: you're probably not broken. You've just been aiming at the wrong target for years. Who you are is actually a layered system. Most people fail at change because they treat behaviors like permanent traits and traits like behaviors they can flip overnight, spending years aiming at the wrong layer.

In this episode, Drew and I map out the full system. This is the longest and most personal episode we've ever done.

Get the free PDF episode guide: https://solvedpodcast.com/change/

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: What Does It Mean to Change?
00:13:18 The Dictionary Study: How 17,953 Words Led to the Big Five
00:49:06 Why the Myers-Briggs Is Basically a Horoscope for Smart People
01:02:17 The Barnum Effect: Why We Believe Tests That Tell Us Nothing
01:20:52 The Maturity Principle: How Personality Drifts With Age
01:36:08 Layer Two: Your Adaptations Are Not Who You Are
02:25:55 Why Relationships Are Adaptation Machines
02:37:55 Layer Three: Why We Don't Do What We Know We Should Do
02:44:06 The Checklist That Saved 1,500 Lives
02:56:57 The Do Something Principle: Start With the Smallest Step
03:04:32 Environmental Design: Make the Right Thing Easier Than the Wrong Thing
03:20:18 Social Pressure, Strong Whys, and the CrossFit Effect
03:44:35 Quantum Change: The Night Josh Died
03:54:55 Values Collapse: What Actually Changes in a Quantum Change
04:17:55 Bill Wilson: The Man Who Invented AA (And Still Struggled)
04:32:00 The Messy Middle Nobody Shows You
04:50:27 Should You Even Change at All? The Three Selves
04:57:13 Final Takeaways: Pain Is a Great Teacher

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Wealthfront Details and Disclosure:

This experience may not be representative of other Wealthfront clients, and there is no guarantee of future performance or success. Experiences will vary. Mark Manson receives cash compensation from Wealthfront Brokerage for paid endorsement in his podcast, creating a conflict of interest. The Cash Account, which is not a deposit account, is offered by Wealthfront Brokerage LLC, member FINRA/SIPC. Wealthfront Brokerage is not a bank. The base APY is 3.30% on cash deposits as of January 30, 2026, is representative, subject to change, and requires no minimum. If eligible for the overall boosted rate of 4.05% offered in connection with this promo, your boosted rate is also subject to change if the base rate decreases during the 3 month promo period. Additional terms and conditions apply, which can be found on wealthfront.com/solved. Funds in the Cash Account are swept to program banks, where it earns the variable APY. Same-day withdrawal or instant payment transfers may be limited by destination institutions, daily transaction caps, and by participating entities such as Wells Fargo, the RTP® Network, and FedNow® Service. New Cash Account deposits are subject to a 2-4 day holding period before becoming available for transfer. Investment advisory services are provided by Wealthfront Advisers LLC, an SEC registered investment adviser. Securities investments: not bank deposits, bank-guaranteed or FDIC-insured, and may lose value.

Why We Stay in Bad Relationships, Solved

Mark Manson — Wed, 20 May 2026 08:00:00 -0000

Why do smart, emotionally aware people stay in relationships that are clearly destroying them? Drew and I dug into the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard marriage, to walk through the seven psychological mechanisms that quietly lock people inside bad relationships and make leaving feel impossible.

If you have ever watched someone you love stay in a relationship that is destroying them, or if you have been that person yourself, this episode will shine a lot of light on what is really going on under the hood.

Get your free episode guide: https://solvedpodcast.com/bad-relationships/

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: When Smart People Stay Stuck in Bad Relationships
00:05:05 Meet Johnny Depp: From Kentucky to Captain Jack Sparrow
00:12:44 Meet Amber Heard: Growing Up in Texas and Breaking Into Hollywood
00:14:40 Mechanism #1: Normalization - The Water You Swim In
00:25:11 Mechanism #2: The Identity Trap - Filling the Void
00:40:07 Mechanism #3: The Slot Machine Effect - Addicted to Volatility
00:47:08 The Escalating Violence: From Breaking Things to Breaking Trust
00:49:58 Mechanism #4: Cognitive Dissonance - Rationalizing the Unacceptable
00:59:37 Mechanism #5: The Sunk Cost Fallacy - Throwing Good Years After Bad
01:10:00 Mechanism #6: The Guilt Cage - Blaming Yourself for Everything
01:13:52 Mechanism #7: The Terror of the Void - Learned Helplessness
01:21:38 The Legal Aftermath: When Nobody Wins
01:27:33 Practical Takeaways: How to Escape the Seven Traps
01:39:00 Final Reflections: Compassion for the Trapped

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How to Overcome Anxiety, Solved

Mark Manson — Wed, 06 May 2026 08:00:00 -0000

Here's the uncomfortable truth about anxiety: most of what people reach for to fix it was chosen because it feels easy, not because it works. The supplement that went viral on TikTok, the CBD gummy, the glass of wine after a hard week... they range from doing nothing to actively making things worse.

We ranked 17 of the most popular anti-anxiety interventions from the absolute worst to the number one most effective, according to the research. Along the way, we get into why alcohol is the anxiety cure that 2 billion people use that actually creates more anxiety in the long run. We talk about the UGC marketing conspiracy behind the magnesium craze. We break down the difference between harmonious and obsessive anxiety, why your brain is literally doing therapy on itself every night while you sleep (and what happens when you don't let it), and why exercise is essentially practice for being afraid. The pattern that emerges is painfully clear: everything that actually works is a lifestyle change, and everything that doesn't is a quick fix. The real question isn't which intervention is best. It's whether you're willing to be uncomfortable long enough for the right ones to work.

Get your free episode guide: https://solvedpodcast.com/anxiety/

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Welcome to Solved: Ranking 17 Anti-Anxiety Interventions
00:04:07 What Is Anxiety and Why Does It Exist?
00:07:26 The Causes of Anxiety: Genetics, Age, Trauma, and Existential Dread
00:17:34 The Bullshit Category: Why Alcohol Makes Anxiety Worse
00:26:37 Not Helping, Not Hurting: Magnesium, Journaling, and CBD
00:45:34 Digital Detoxes and Breathwork: Short-Term Relief, Not Long-Term Solutions
00:55:55 The Complicated Truth About Benzodiazepines
00:59:39 Probiotics, Yoga, and Adaptogens: The Maybe Depends Category
01:14:43 SSRIs: Effective But Probably Overprescribed
01:26:00 Psychedelics: Massive Effect Sizes But Still Early Days
01:40:01 The Top Five: Social Connection as Nervous System Regulation
01:41:58 Sleep Optimization: Your Brain Doing Therapy on Itself
01:48:20 Exercise: Training Your Body to Be Afraid and Act Anyway
01:54:09 Meditation: Changing Your Relationship to Anxious Thoughts
02:01:05 Therapy Wins: CBT's Durable Advantage and When to Stop
02:10:55 The Pattern That Emerges: Quick Fixes vs. Lifestyle Changes

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WEALTHFRONT DISCLOSURE:

Your Questions On Manifestation, Confidence, and Getting Over Your Ex, Solved

Mark Manson — Wed, 29 Apr 2026 08:00:00 -0000

It's been one year of SOLVED. 20 episodes, 20 million downloads, 3 million YouTube subscribers, and a truly unreasonable number of poop jokes. To celebrate, I sat down with over 200 of your questions and picked the ones that hit the hardest.

We get into why most people fail at quitting addictions (hint: the problem isn't the feelings, it's that you never planned for them). I explain why, if you have ADHD and can't stop procrastinating, you need to treat yourself like a dog that shits on the carpet. We talk about the real science behind manifestation, why it sort of works but not for the reason TikTok thinks it does. I break down the difference between trait confidence and state confidence, and why "build evidence" is only half the equation. We cover how to handle panic attacks, getting over a "perfect" ex (spoiler: they're not perfect, and thinking they are is the problem), the uncomfortable truth about self-love, the difference between a boring relationship and being bored in a relationship, the purpose vs. money question, what FIRE retirees never tell you, and what I'd reincarnate as. Plus some big announcements: we're going back to the mega episode format in June, the PDF guides are returning, and our first topic is going to be how to actually change your life.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 One-Year Anniversary and Show Announcements
00:04:37 Overcoming Addiction and Relapse
00:08:18 Procrastination and ADHD
00:11:30 The Science of Manifestation
00:16:11 Panic Attacks, Siblings, and Getting Over a "Perfect" Ex
00:20:18 Self-Love, Gratitude, and Religion
00:27:12 Relationships, Purpose, and Money
00:36:07 Maladaptive Daydreaming, Personality, and Growing with Friends
00:39:59 Nomadic Living, FIRE Retirement, Purpose Anxiety, and Reincarnation

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Passion, Solved: Is It Really Worth Pursuing?

Mark Manson — Wed, 15 Apr 2026 08:00:00 -0000

Nearly 60% of American workers are checked out at their jobs. Meanwhile, every graduation speech in history tells you to follow your passion and you'll never work a day in your life. So which is it?

In this episode, Drew and I debate both sides. I argue for passion. He argues for practicality. And what we discover along the way is that the whole question is kind of a false dichotomy. We get into the psychology of harmonious vs. obsessive passion (and why one leads to fulfillment while the other led Kurt Cobain to write "I don't have the passion anymore" in his suicide note). We talk survivorship bias, Maslow's hierarchy, and why financial stress literally impairs your ability to think creatively. I share the story of quitting my investment bank job at 24, living on a friend's futon, and knowing within a month that I was never going back. We look at how Jane Goodall took a secretarial job and stumbled into becoming the world's preeminent primatologist. And we land on a phrase I think is way more useful than "follow your passion": develop your passion... because passion isn't something you find, it's something you grow.

Get your free episode guide: https://solvedpodcast.com/passion/

Chapters:

Chapters

00:00:00 The Great Debate: Passion vs. Pragmatism in Your Career
00:05:04 Round One: The Case for Passion and J.K. Rowling's Story
00:12:38 The Dark Side of Passion: Kurt Cobain and Obsessive Passion
00:23:53 Round Two: Financial Stability as the Foundation for Passion
00:38:47 The Regret Minimization Argument: Why Time Matters More Than Money
01:02:34 Round Three: Developing Passion Through Adjacent Opportunities
01:24:33 Cal Newport's Career Capital: Getting So Good They Can't Ignore You
01:32:34 Round Four: Passion Is Developed, Not Found
01:41:27 The Aptitude Reality Check: When Passion Meets Natural Ability
01:51:47 Finding the Balance: The Best of Both Worlds Approach

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Self-Help, Solved

Mark Manson — Wed, 01 Apr 2026 08:00:00 -0000

We pulled over 2,600 studies and ranked 19 of the most common self-improvement techniques across three dimensions: research quality, consistency of results, and actual effect size. Then we sorted them into four tiers: legitimately works, works sometimes, probably not helping, and straight up bullshit. Microdosing landed in the bullshit tier. Crystal healing outperformed several "serious" techniques. And the number one most effective strategy is something so stupidly simple it's almost annoying.

We also get into why everything at the bottom of the list shares one thing in common, why the middle of the list is mostly a fancy placebo, and why nearly everything at the top has been around for thousands of years.

Get your free episode guide: https://solvedpodcast.com/self-help/

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:06:02 Category 4: Bullsh*t
00:06:13 Suppressing Negative Thoughts
00:10:53 Microdosing Psychedelics
00:17:29 Intuitive Decision-Making
00:24:11 Catharsis / Venting Anger
00:27:29 Category 3: Probably Not Helping
00:27:45 Crystal Healing
00:30:11 Willpower / Ego Depletion
00:35:02 Power Posing
00:39:57 Learning Styles
00:41:18 Positive Affirmations
00:44:58 Morning Routines
00:51:37 Category 2: Works Sometimes
00:52:36 Positive Visualization
00:59:59 Energy Healing
01:09:35 Cold Water Immersion for Mental Health
01:16:53 Speed Reading
01:23:50 Category 1: Legitimately Works
01:23:54 Gratitude Interventions
01:29:45 Meditation for Stress/Anxiety
01:33:31 Eat the Frog / Hardest Task First
01:38:42 Bibliotherapy
01:47:30 Behavioral Activation
01:59:19 Conclusion

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Meditation, Solved: Is It Actually Worth It?

Mark Manson — Wed, 18 Mar 2026 08:00:00 -0000

Meditation has been sold to us as a magic pill for so long that the backlash is almost as overblown as the hype. I spent years deep in Buddhist practice, went on retreats, meditated daily — and then slowly discovered that half the gurus evangelizing it were alcoholics, abusers, or running Rolls-Royce-funded cults. Here's what the more careful research actually shows: there are three things meditation does reliably well, and they’re probably not what you've been promised. More importantly, almost everything you've been told about how to do it is wrong — starting with the idea that the goal is to quiet your mind. If your brain turns into a chaotic mess the moment you close your eyes, that's not a failure. That's the whole point.

Get your free episode guide: https://solvedpodcast.com/meditation/

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:08:15 Skeptic Claim #1: Meditation Is Overhyped
00:22:45 Skeptic Claim #2: "Meditation Isn't for Me"
00:41:36 Meditation Isn't Safe or Helpful for Everyone
00:48:33 Skeptic Claim #3: The New-Agey, "Woo-Woo" Crowd Turns Me Off
01:01:01 A Secular, Grounded Alternative: Meditation Without Metaphysics
01:07:40 Are We Losing Something by Secularizing Meditation?
01:17:35 Conclusion: What Meditation Really Is

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Focus, Solved

Mark Manson — Wed, 04 Mar 2026 09:00:00 -0000

Focus is one of those things everyone swears they need more of and almost no one is actually addressing correctly. In this episode, we dig into what the science actually says about attention spans (hint: your brain isn't broken, it's just overwhelmed), why the standard advice to "try harder" is probably making things worse, and what's really driving your inability to sit down and get things done. We get into the neuroscience of explore vs. exploit modes, why flow states feel the way they do, and the four hidden triggers behind most focus problems, none of which have anything to do with your phone. Then we get into the practical stuff: environmental design, deep work frameworks, the maker vs. manager schedule, time boxing, batching, and why a dentist appointment in the middle of your morning can ruin your entire day. If you're the kind of person who opens 14 browser tabs, switches between them for 40 minutes, and calls that "working", well, this one's for you.

Get the free guide for this episode: https://solvedpodcast.com/focus/

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:03:06 The Attention Crisis (Is It Even Real?)
00:21:55 The Exploit–Explore Dilemma
00:29:57 Your Brain on Explore and Exploit Mode
00:43:48 Technology evolved with Focus
00:50:33 The Psychology of Distraction
00:54:06 Trigger 1: Lack of Importance
00:56:24 Trigger 2: Lack of Clarity
01:00:01 Trigger 3: Lack of Calmness
01:02:49 Trigger 4: Lack of Health
01:07:21 What about Willpower?
01:18:50 Flow States and Hyperfocus
01:25:13 Characteristics of flow state
01:37:36 Mental Health and the Clinical Realities of Focus
01:39:30 ADHD
01:41:56 Hyperfocus vs Flow
01:56:27 Environmental Design for Focus
02:01:15 Foundations
02:06:38 Setting Up Your Workspace
02:14:15 Working with others
02:22:49 Temperature, lighting. air quality
02:27:30 Nature exposure
02:29:22 Ritual as a “trigger system”
02:34:39 Productivity Systems
02:53:17 Maker Schedules vs. Manager Schedules
03:00:10 Using Apps for Focus
03:05:29 The 80/20 of Focus
03:07:51 Is Focus a Skill?
03:11:07 Takeaways

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Romantic Love, Solved

Mark Manson — Wed, 18 Feb 2026 09:00:00 -0000

We put love on trial — literally. Drew and I squared off in a full debate over whether romantic love is overrated. I made the case that love is basically your brain's con man, a neurochemical hijacking designed to make you delusional about deeply flawed people, and that the most intoxicating relationships are often the most toxic. Drew fought back with the evidence that love is the foundation of social infrastructure, physical health, and long-term happiness. By the end, we came to a gentlemen’s agreement: a framework that explains why we're all chasing the wrong kind of love, and what the right kind actually looks like.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:02:21 Round 1: Love is the Brain's Conman
00:23:33 Round 2: Love as Social Infrastructure
00:43:48 Round 3: Love and Happiness
01:05:29 Round 4: Why We're Drawn to People Who Hurt Us

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Dating, Solved: Why Finding the Right Person Feels So Hard

Mark Manson — Wed, 04 Feb 2026 15:00:00 -0000

Most people aren’t bad at dating, they’re just trying to solve the wrong problem. We treat dating like a personality test (“Am I attractive enough? Confident enough?”) when it’s actually a multi-stage process, and each stage punishes completely different mistakes. That one misunderstanding explains why dating feels so confusing, why men and women keep blaming each other, why dating apps feel brutal, and why so much dating advice makes things worse instead of better.

In this episode of Solved, Drew and I break down why modern dating feels so broken, and why it actually isn’t. We dig into the evolutionary psychology behind attraction, why men and women are optimizing for different things, how modern culture and dating apps amplify the worst parts of the system, and the three stages of dating that almost nobody understands. We also talk about confidence, rejection, status, attraction, and why avoiding rejection is often the very thing sabotaging your dating life. If you’ve felt stuck, burned out, or quietly wondering “what the hell is wrong with dating?” — this episode is for you.

Get your free PDF guide: https://solvedpodcast.com/dating

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:05:12 Why Is Dating So Complicated?
00:11:03 The different challenges men and women face
00:17:18 Facts
00:29:51 What Women Find Attractive
00:38:16 What Men Find Attractive
00:51:27 A Brief History of Courtship & Dating
01:06:10 Modern Dating
01:11:41 A Glimmer of Hope: The emerging offline renaissance
01:21:37 Men's and Women's Dating Advice Ecosystems
01:31:13 Inside the Male Advice Ecosystem
01:44:52 Inside the Female Advice Ecosystem
02:02:07 The Collision: Feedback Loops That Break the Market
02:21:27 The Pre-Dating Phase
02:36:22 Building Confidence
02:37:59 Halo Effect
02:53:20 Conclusion Pre Dating
02:57:48 Meeting People and Getting Dates
03:11:17 Flirting
03:23:15 Reading People
03:29:51 Going on Dates
03:38:39 Trustworthiness
03:47:09 Conversational Skills
03:56:12 Emotional Regulation
04:03:03 Boundaries
04:09:07 F**k yes or no
04:14:44 The 80/20

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How to Quiet Your Ego (Without Losing Yourself), Solved

Mark Manson — Thu, 15 Jan 2026 15:00:00 -0000

Most people think ego is either something you need to kill off entirely or inflate to take over the world. Both are wrong. In this episode, we dig deep into what ego actually is—how it evolved, why it matters, and how it secretly runs your life without you realizing it.

We hit Freud, Buddhism, David Hume, Jung’s shadow self, and even the Navy SEALs to unpack why your ego isn’t always the enemy—it’s mostly just misunderstood. Then we get into how to quiet your ego without losing your identity, and yes, we talk psychedelics, too. This is everything you were never taught about ego—but should’ve been.

Get your free PDF guide: https://solvedpodcast.com/ego

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:03:31 What Is the Ego?
00:10:15 The Architecture and Function of the Ego
00:27:15 What is a Healthy Ego?
00:36:14 The Philosophical Divide: Two Cultures, Two Selves
00:49:29 The Ego’s Evolutionary Architecture — How Evolution Built the Self
00:49:33 Why Evolution Invented “I”
00:51:46 The Architecture of the Ego: From Refl ex to Reflection
01:00:33 The First Fall: When Knowing Became Our Burden
01:09:07 Why Evolution Built the Ego
01:13:08 When the Ego Becomes a Tyrant
01:13:20 The Anatomy of Ego Tyranny
01:19:05 Recognizing and Disarming the Inner Dictator
01:47:29 The Quiet Ego — Beyond a Strong Ego
01:47:34 When Quieter Means Stronger
01:50:58 The Science and Structure of the Quiet Ego
01:57:16 Cultivating a Quiet Ego
02:01:08 Benefits of a Quiet Ego
02:04:27 The Chemical Dissolution: Ego Death and Psychedelics
02:23:16 80/20

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How to Set (And Keep) Your Boundaries, Solved

Mark Manson — Thu, 01 Jan 2026 15:00:00 -0000

This is probably the most comprehensive, no-BS breakdown of boundaries you're going to find anywhere. We cover what boundaries actually are (spoiler: it’s not just telling people to f*ck off), why they matter more than you think, and how your entire life—your relationships, mental health, identity, even career—is quietly shaped by whether or not you have them.

By the end of this, you’ll know exactly how to set boundaries, how to enforce them without being a jerk, and how to stop confusing your preferences, rules, and passive-aggressive texts for actual emotional maturity. Plus, we talk about how the internet has totally mangled this concept and what to do instead. If you’ve ever felt burned out, resentful, overwhelmed, or just vaguely annoyed by everyone around you, this is for you.

Get your free PDF guide: https://solvedpodcast.com/boundaries

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:01:29 Foundations of Boundaries
00:02:05 The Breakdown: What boundaries actually are (and aren’t)
00:04:42 The Spectrum: Porous, Rigid, Healthy
00:09:06 Boundaries vs. Values, Rules, Preferences, and Requests
00:13:32 What happens when boundaries erode?
00:18:46 The Solution: Boundaries as structure and freedom
00:22:57 Boundaries: Freedom Through Limitation
00:25:09 Creativity with Limitations
00:29:15 Mental Health and Limitations
00:38:53 Example
00:42:54 Boundaries and Maturity
00:45:20 Why Boundaries Matter
00:50:00 The Basis of Boundary Formation: Values
00:58:30 Translating Values into Boundaries
01:04:06 The Application: Living Your Valued Boundaries
01:10:14 Why We Fail to Set and Maintain Boundaries
01:11:11 Developmental Origins
01:22:53 Personality and Individual Differences
01:29:48 Emotional Regulation and Mental Health
01:46:06 Types of Boundaries
01:46:53 Physical Boundaries
01:49:28 Emotional Boundaries
01:51:44 Intellectual Boundaries
01:56:02 Time Boundaries
02:00:03 Digital Boundaries
02:09:01 Financial Boundaries
02:12:42 Family boundaries
02:18:52 Friendship Boundaries
02:23:06 Work Relationship Boundaries
02:28:22 Boundaries around authority
02:30:02 Self Boundaries
02:34:39 How to Set and Maintain Boundaries
03:13:37 Boundaries in Romantic Relationships
03:30:52 Parenting
03:37:04 Research & Frameworks
03:40:44 Western Romance
03:44:48 The 80/20 of Boundaries

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Solved, Answers: Finding Purpose, Failing Better, and the AI Future

Mark Manson — Mon, 15 Dec 2025 14:00:00 -0000

This one’s different. In this special year-end episode, I answer your questions—from the deep stuff about purpose and motivation, to the uncomfortable realities of change, burnout, failure, and dealing with unsupportive family. I also share the behind-the-scenes chaos of building SOLVED this year, what I learned about making massive, meaningful content, and what’s coming in 2026 (spoiler: boundaries, ego, and maybe some live shows).

This is part personal, part philosophical, and part therapy session disguised as a podcast. If you’ve been wondering what’s next—or why you feel stuck—this one’s for you. See you in 2026.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:01:13 Recap of 2025
00:03:42 What if I don't have a single purpose?
00:06:07 Why don't I feel a strong need for purpose?
00:08:32 How do I find purpose when doing things I don't find important?
00:12:34 I'm having issues on getting motivated on one thing
00:19:35 What if my family doesn't support my purpose?
00:23:15 I'm struggling with the idea that purpose must be bigger than yourself
00:26:04 How Mark got Purpose AI to work
00:32:55 Questions from YouTube
00:33:13 How do you change yourself?
00:36:43 Finding meaning after AI takeover
00:44:01 What would a Models rewrite look like today?
00:48:19 Mark's first heartbreak
00:54:31 What would Mark put on Voyager 1?
00:57:35 Self-doubt on something you make
01:02:12 Mark's next book?
01:03:38 Tours around the world
01:05:55 Goals for 2026
01:08:14 Podcast changes for 2026

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Finding Your Purpose, Solved

Mark Manson — Thu, 04 Dec 2025 15:00:00 -0000

This is the episode I’ve been waiting to make for a long time. Purpose has been at the core of everything I’ve written and done for over a decade—and in this episode, we go all the way down the rabbit hole. From Viktor Frankl surviving Auschwitz to the myth of “finding your one true purpose,” we break down what purpose really is, why you feel lost without it, and how you can build it into your life.

We also get uncomfortable (in the best way) and talk about the dark side of purpose—how it can burn you out, trap you in toxic ambition, or become an excuse to ruin your life.

And I have a very special announcement to make: Today, I’m launching a new app called Purpose. It’s an AI-powered mentor for personal growth. You talk to it about whatever you’re facing—stress, decisions, conflicts, goals—and it helps you make sense of things. Purpose listens, reflects back what matters most, and turns big challenges into small, actionable steps. The more you use it, the more personalized and helpful it becomes.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:01:39 Victor Frankl and Finding Purpose in the Darkness
00:17:19 What Is Purpose?
00:25:44 Myths
00:32:50 Definition
00:34:55 Health
00:39:22 Resilience and Purpose
00:45:34 Philosophical & Historical Perspectives on Purpose
00:52:47 Religion and Purpose
00:58:31 Descartes
01:00:11 Hume
01:04:51 Nietzsche
01:17:43 Kierkegaard
01:22:50 Ernest Becker
01:30:16 Picasso
01:30:40 Recap
01:31:26 The Psychology of Purpose
01:36:38 Relationships
01:45:45 Ego Identity
01:49:19 Social Aspect of Purpose
01:52:32 Religiosity
02:05:14 Going back to Religion
02:08:13 The Four Stages of Life
02:19:41 Trade off to Purpose
02:23:48 Transitioning in Purpose
02:31:33 The Dark Side of Purpose
02:40:38 Purpose App
02:51:36 Burnout
02:54:29 Toxic Purpose
03:07:25 Finding and Cultivating Purpose
03:27:04 Breakdown on finding Purpose
03:36:56 Finding Purpose in Work (or Not)
03:52:55 Parenting
04:01:00 Contributing to your community
04:04:05 Hobbies
04:09:14 Practical Tools and Frameworks
04:20:18 Purpose Setting
04:22:17 Finding the right tool
04:24:48 The 80/20 of Living with Purpose
04:34:24 Takeaways

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Comparing Yourself to Others, Solved

Mark Manson — Sat, 15 Nov 2025 13:00:00 -0000

We all compare ourselves to other people—our friends, coworkers, strangers on the internet—and most of the time, it makes us feel like shit. But why do we keep doing it?

In this episode of Solved, we dig into the uncomfortable truth behind social comparison, how it quietly ruins our self-worth, and why most of what we envy in others is a projection of our own insecurity.

We also get into the brutal paradox of success, the toxic loop of chasing status, and how the constant measurement of our lives against others is one of the dumbest things we do as a species. If you’ve ever felt not good enough, or like you’re falling behind, this one’s for you.

Get your free PDF guide: https://solvedpodcast.com/socialcomparison

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:05:29 Evolutionary Roots
00:16:20 The Emotional Toolkit
00:20:18 Philosophy and Social Comparison
00:23:31 The Buddhist Path
00:24:58 Aristotle
00:34:34 Stoicism
00:36:24 Existentialism
00:40:06 Myths
00:48:37 The Psychology of Social Comparison
00:58:54 Downward Comparison
01:22:19 Digital Technology and Social Comparison
01:44:20 The 80/20 of Managing Comparison
01:57:40 Hidden Costs
01:58:48 Takeaways

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How to Make Friends as an Adult, Solved

Mark Manson — Sat, 01 Nov 2025 14:00:00 -0000

Friendship is the most important thing nobody talks about. From ancient philosophy to game theory, we break down why friendship isn’t just some social nicety—it’s a biological survival strategy. Plus: the modern forces slowly strangling our ability to connect, and exactly what to do about it. You’ll walk away with a clearer sense of what real friendship looks like, how to build it, and how to stop shooting yourself in the foot every time you try.

Get your free PDF guide: https://solvedpodcast.com/friendship

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:07:52 Friendship: an Evolutionary Puzzle
00:25:45 What Is Friendship?
00:27:11 Friendship in the Great Religious Traditions
00:37:21 Modern Psychology's Definition of Friendship
00:49:02 Your Brain On Friendship
01:03:34 The Neurobiology of Connection
01:22:48 Health Benefits of Friendship
01:33:11 How to Make and Maintain Friendships
01:35:19 Proximity and Repeated Contact and Reciprocal Disclosure
01:53:51 Time investment (quantity and cadence)
01:58:15 Evidence-Based Strategies for Making Friends
02:07:46 Examples Of Making Friends
02:26:50 How Friendship Changes Across the Lifespan
02:54:18 Gender Dynamics in Friendships
03:09:39 Can Men And Women Be Friends?
03:16:39 Toxic Friendships
03:17:41 Competitive Friendship
03:21:18 Codependency
03:34:45 Why It's So Hard to Make Friends These Days
03:35:48 External Headwinds: Why Getting Together Is Hard
03:53:18 Internal Frictions: Why Staying Equal Feels Impossible
04:02:45 Technology's Double-Edged Impact on Human Connection
04:11:19 Mark's LA Story
04:20:21 The 80/20 of Friendship
04:30:33 The Trade-Offs of Friendship

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Stoicism (ft. Ryan Holiday), Solved

Mark Manson — Wed, 15 Oct 2025 14:00:00 -0000

What does it actually mean to live like a Stoic? In this wide-ranging conversation with bestselling author and modern Stoicism evangelist Ryan Holiday, we unpack the origins of Stoic philosophy, why it exploded during turbulent times in ancient Greece and Rome, and how its principles—like courage, temperance, justice, and wisdom—still apply in a world filled with chaos, anxiety, and uncertainty. From shipwrecked merchants to emperors journaling their fears, this episode explores why some of the most powerful figures in history turned to Stoicism not just for answers—but for survival.

We also dig into how Stoicism overlaps with modern psychology, why it’s gaining traction among young men, and whether its rising popularity is being misunderstood or misused. If you’ve ever wondered whether Stoicism means being emotionless, if it’s compatible with ambition, or if it actually makes you a better person, this episode is your one-stop masterclass.

Get your free PDF guide: https://solvedpodcast.com/stoicism

⇨ Order Ryan Holiday’s new book, Wisdom Takes Work: ⁠https://www.amazon.com/Wisdom-Takes-Work-Repeat-Virtues/dp/0593191730

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:02:49 Setting the Scene: Ancient Greece After Alexander
00:06:44 The Story of Zeno: Founder of Stoicism
00:13:58 The Four Stoic Virtues
00:44:20 Virtue 1: Courage
00:53:17 Virtue 2: Temperance (Discipline)
01:05:01 Virtue 3: Justice
01:08:51 Virtue 4: Wisdom
01:25:51 Roman Conquest and the Spread of Stoicism
01:33:10 Cato the Younger: The Stoic Martyr
01:39:06 Seneca: The Conflicted Philosopher
01:55:50 Epictetus: The Slave Philosopher
02:07:28 Marcus Aurelius: The Philosopher Emperor
02:20:18 Stoicism Through History
02:32:45 Stoicism and Modern Psychology
02:41:09 The Modern Stoicism Revival
02:50:06 Final Thoughts and Recommendations

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How to Become Resilient, Solved

Mark Manson — Wed, 01 Oct 2025 14:00:00 -0000

Resilience isn’t about pretending you’re fine or never feeling pain—it’s about learning how to act in your best interest despite the pain. In this episode of Solved, we dive deep into the science, psychology, and real-life examples of resilience—from Ernest Shackleton’s crew surviving two years stranded in Antarctica to my own slightly insane decision to run an endurance race with basically no training. Spoiler: I didn’t die.

We cover it all: the biology of resilience, why some people are “dandelions” and thrive anywhere while others are “orchids” who need the right environment, the mindsets that let you push through hardship without losing your mind, and why humor and community might secretly be your best survival tools. And of course, we deliver the real, practical, evidence-based strategies you can actually apply when life inevitably decides to kick you in the teeth.

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, stuck, or like you can’t take one more setback, this episode is for you. And if you’re one of those psychos who enjoys doing hard sh*t just to see what you’re made of… well, you’ll feel right at home here.

Get your free PDF guide: https://solvedpodcast.com/resilience ⁠

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:04:44 Reframing Resilience — Definitions & Misconceptions
00:13:11 The Word That Started It All
00:16:30 Bounce Forward, Not Back
00:23:50 Developmental and Biological Foundations of Resilience
00:29:26 The Evolutionary Puzzle
00:38:54 Biological & Physiological Foundations
00:44:45 Training Your Brain to Be More Resilient
00:48:43 The HPA Axis: Our Central Stress Response System
00:51:19 Heart Rate Variability: The Resilience Rhythm
00:54:32 Physiological Interventions
01:00:07 Gut-Brain Axis
01:17:17 Psychological, Philosophical & Evidence-Based Frameworks
01:20:19 The 5 Mindsets of Resilience
01:21:46 Mindset #1: Anything Is Possible
01:38:22 Mindset #2: Stories Are Just Stories
01:44:16 MIndset #3: Focus on What You Control
01:58:55 Mindset #4: Make It Fun
02:10:34 Mindset #5: Assume a Resilient Identity
02:20:21 Pheidippides
02:27:00 Sociocultural & Community Dimensions
02:37:40 Social Connection and Resilience: Why Strong People Don't Go It Alone
02:45:33 Blitz Spirit: Myth vs Reality
02:48:23 How to Build Your Resilient Circle
02:57:28 The 80/20 of Becoming More Resilient
03:11:36 The Hidden Costs of Resilience
03:22:25 What We Learned

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How to Let Go of Your Shame, Solved

Mark Manson — Mon, 01 Sep 2025 07:01:00 -0000

Chances are, there’s something in your life you feel deeply ashamed about—something you’ve never told anyone, something you can’t even admit to yourself. In this episode, we go deep into the emotion we all experience but almost no one wants to talk about: shame. Where it comes from, why it’s so powerful, how it screws up our lives—and more importantly, how to deal with it.

We cover the biology of shame, the psychology, the evolutionary roots, and how modern life (especially the internet) completely messes with our shame systems. We talk about healthy vs. toxic shame, how it shows up in addiction, relationships, perfectionism, and self-sabotage, and why most of us either try to hide from it or end up being controlled by it. You’ll also hear from members of my team about how shame shaped their lives in surprising ways.

As always, this episode is brutally honest, deeply researched, and sprinkled with a few bad jokes. But more than anything, I hope it gives you the awareness—and the tools—to start facing whatever it is you’ve been avoiding. Because you can’t outrun your shame. But you can learn to live with it.

Get your free PDF guide: ⁠⁠https://solvedpodcast.com/shame

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:04:35 Shame's Hidden Architecture
00:14:38 Key Definitions
00:18:32 Distinguishing Shame from Guilt
00:20:49 State Shame vs. Trait Shame
00:21:47 Shame vs. Embarrassment and Humiliation
00:24:03 Shame, Trauma, and their Interrelationship
00:25:14 The Neurobiology of Shame
00:29:56 The Shame Spiral
00:36:04 The Learning Paradox of Shame
00:44:12 The Shame Compass
00:47:33 Personal Experiences with Shame
00:49:21 Workaholism as a Coping Mechanism
00:59:13 The Allure of Shamelessness
01:01:15 Individual, Familial, & Cultural Sources of Shame
01:11:05 Geographical Impact on Shame
01:13:08 Cultural Values and Shame
01:14:35 How the Greater Culture Shapes Shame
01:26:12 Digital Technology & Shame 2.0
01:28:02 The Digital Divide
01:31:05 The Relationship Between Technology and Anxiety
01:33:55 Protection Strategies
01:39:21 Developmental Stages of Shame
01:40:19 Understanding the Origin of Shame
01:42:57 The Role of Parenting in Shame Development
01:56:49 How Therapy Transformed Our Understanding of Shame
02:01:06 Carl Rogers and the Safety Revolution
02:07:31 Albert Ellis and the Cognitive Revolution
02:11:58 The Influence of Albert Ellis and Carl Rogers
02:13:31 The Emergence of Reparenting and Inner Child Work
02:17:18 The Rise of Internal Family System
02:27:59 Tools to Address Your Shame
02:40:19 Stoic Principles for Perspective
02:47:05 Perspective Shifting Techniques
02:58:26 Tuning Your Shame System
03:10:39 Recognizing Unsustainable Shame Patterns
03:16:28 Kristen Neff's Self-Compassion Framework
03:25:33 Understanding Shame as Obsession and Resentment
03:29:53 Overcoming Shame and Personal Growth
03:31:39 Takeaways from the Discussion on Shame
03:40:40 Conclusion

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How To Finally Let Yourself Be Happy, Solved

Mark Manson — Fri, 01 Aug 2025 12:00:00 -0000

Everyone’s obsessed with being happy—but what if that obsession is the very thing making us miserable? Drew and I explore what actually makes us feel good—and why most of us are chasing it in all the wrong ways.

We unpack what philosophers like Aristotle and the Buddha got right thousands of years ago—and how modern science is just now catching up. We talk about hedonic vs. eudaimonic happiness, why more money and status don’t necessarily move the needle, and why most self-help advice completely misses the point. Happiness isn’t something you get. It’s a side effect of doing the right things for the right reasons.

So, if you're tired of chasing "more" and ready to actually feel a little less miserable, this one’s for you.

Get your free PDF guide: https://solvedpodcast.com/happiness

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:01:42 Is Happiness the Right Goal?
00:11:22 The Origins of Human Happiness
00:11:44 Hedonia vs Eudaimonia
00:15:51 Epicureanism
00:24:00 Eastern Perspectives
00:27:55 Modern Happiness Research
00:30:10 The WEIRD Problem: When Happiness Research Goes West
00:41:27 The Three Components of Happiness
00:47:24 Hedonic Adaptation
01:00:34 What Does—and Doesn't—Make Us Happy
01:01:16 Drugs and Alcohol
01:08:03 Sex
01:15:49 Money
01:23:50 Fame and Status
01:34:40 Physical Attractiveness
01:38:06 Geography and Environment
01:40:31 Love and Relationships
01:41:59 Friendships
01:44:44 Having Children
01:49:50 The Experiencing vs. Remembering Self
01:53:33 Baseline vs. Circumstantial vs. Intentional Happiness – Where to Focus
01:54:15 Genetics
02:00:30 Circumstances
02:02:56 Intentional Actions
02:06:54 Relationships
02:11:31 Gratitude
02:13:53 Altruism
02:19:27 Experiences vs. Stuff
02:22:52 Implementing Intentional Happiness
02:25:02 Chapter 6: Don't Pursue Happiness; Remove Unhappiness
02:29:45 Social Comparison
02:32:10 Maximizers vs. Satisficers
02:34:40 How Happiness Changes Across the Lifespan
02:52:24 Happiness Myths
03:05:28 The 80/20 Guide to Happiness
03:17:03 Lessons Learned

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How to Manage Your Emotions, Solved

Mark Manson — Tue, 01 Jul 2025 14:00:00 -0000

What are emotions? Why do we feel anything at all? And more importantly — can we actually get better at feeling?

In this episode, Drew and I dive headfirst into what might be the hardest question in all of psychology: what the actual f**k are emotions? We break down the biology, neuroscience, evolution, culture, and even language that shape how we feel — and why we often don’t understand what the hell is going on inside us. From ancient philosophy to brain scans, this is a deep (and occasionally weird) look into the emotional chaos that makes us human.

We unpack everything from the origins of emotional intelligence (spoiler: it might be BS) to the science of emotional regulation, attachment styles, and the sneaky ways your culture wires your emotional defaults. Along the way, we explore why some relationships make you feel like a better person while others drain the life out of you, and how trauma, genetics, and childhood with your ability to keep it together.

But this episode isn’t just about understanding emotions — it’s about learning how to work with them. And we give you a full emotional toolkit: a set of evidence-based tools to help you manage your emotions, build better relationships, feel more motivated, and yes — even feel more confident in yourself in the process.

Get your free PDF guide: https://solvedpodcast.com/emotions

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:04:47 What Are Emotions?
00:14:04 The Emotional Brain
00:22:03 Neurotransmitters
00:34:25 Evolution of Emotions
00:39:53 How Life Experiences Shape Emotional Regulation
00:48:41 Conclusion on What are Emotions
00:49:45 How Culture Influences Our Emotions
00:55:44 Vietnam Bike Story
01:00:05 Your Culture Trains You to Want Certain Feelings
01:06:00 Culture Decides Whether Suppression is a Superpower or a Liability
01:07:56 Paradox of Emotional Conformity
01:16:36 How Language Shapes What You Feel
01:29:23 Emotional Complexity
01:36:25 Your Emotions Are Social Currency
01:43:00 Conclusion to Culture defines our emotions
01:44:08 Historical and Philosophical Traditions on Emotions
01:57:21 Modern Culture
01:59:00 The Four Schools of Emotional Regulation
02:00:56 The Heart
02:08:55 The Head
02:18:37 The Soul
02:28:50 The Body
02:36:23 The Integrated Toolkit
02:48:25 Brilliant or Bullshit: Emotional Intelligence
02:57:31 Relationships and Emotional Regulation
03:09:54 Attachment Theory
03:27:29 Toxic Relationship
03:36:49 Building Emotional Compatibility
03:51:24 Conclusion Relationships
03:57:24 The 80/20 of Emotions

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How to Stop Procrastinating, Solved

Mark Manson — Sun, 01 Jun 2025 14:00:00 -0000

From Plato and Aristotle to Freud and modern research, we break down why we delay the things that matter most—and how to actually stop. This isn't a “just set a timer” productivity talk. We’re diving deep into shame, identity, perfectionism, culture, and why procrastination is ultimately a *skill issue*, not a moral failure.

We cover things like: How humans have thought about putting things off for over 2000 years, the real reason you avoid the most important tasks in your life, why “I work better under pressure” is (usually) BS, why self-compassion is actually more motivating than guilt, tons of practical, research-backed strategies you can start using todayAnd much, much, much more.

Get your free PDF guide: https://solvedpodcast.com/procrastination

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:01:05 Episode Roadmap
00:08:20 What exactly is procrastination?
00:15:50 Plato's Thoughts on Procrastination
00:24:07 The Buddhist & Confucian Views on Procrastination
00:26:19 Aristotle's Take on Procrastination
00:33:50 Christianity and Procrastination
00:46:53 Self-Compassion and Procrastination
00:58:45 The Reformation and Procrastination
01:04:25 Freud's Influence on Psychology
01:06:40 Pleasure Principle and Reality Principle
01:08:13 Id, Ego, and Superego
01:10:26 Defense Mechanisms
01:17:20 Adopting Habits as Identity
01:23:05 The Influence of Childhood and Parenting on Procrastination
01:33:42 Behaviorism
01:41:21 Environmental Design
01:46:10 Thriving Under Pressure: A Critique
01:52:10 Expectation, Pressure, and Procrastination
01:54:06 Critique of Behaviorism
01:59:20 Time Management
02:07:33 Knowledge vs Emotion in Procrastination
02:16:43 Mark and Drew's Personal Productivity Systems
02:20:37 Deep Work and Task Management
02:23:12 Productivity System for ADHD
02:29:26 Productive Procrastination
02:34:22 Importance of Task Completion
02:36:51 Existentialism and Purpose
02:44:21 Purpose and Motivation
02:53:40 Temporal Motivation Theory
02:57:39 Limitations of Temporal Motivation Theory
02:59:22 The Role of Technology in Procrastination
03:07:10 The Dynamic Nature of Temporal Motivation Theory
03:10:59 Critique of Temporal Motivation Theory
03:16:41 Emotional Regulation Theory of Procrastination
03:20:27 Understanding Emotional Regulation
03:23:04 Managing Emotions and Environment
03:28:09 Introduction to the RAIN Method
03:31:07 The Six Types of Procrastinators
03:40:21 The 80-20 of Procrastination
03:46:21 Strategic Use of Friction
03:56:11 Gamifying Tasks to Make Them More Interesting
03:58:49 The Impact of Environment on Productivity
04:01:07 The Role of Purpose in Overcoming Procrastination
04:06:06 The Concept of "Minimum Viable Action"
04:11:26 Addressing Underlying Emotions to Overcome Procrastination
04:16:06 Leveraging Human Nature and Rewards
04:20:06 The Social Aspect of Overcoming Procrastination
04:21:19 Productive Procrastination: A Double-Edged Sword
04:22:32 The Hidden Costs of Overcoming Procrastination
04:39:12 Conclusion

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How to Find and Live by Your Values, Solved

Mark Manson — Thu, 01 May 2025 14:00:00 -0000

Welcome to the first episode of the Solved Podcast. Today, we are solving your values.

Over eight years ago, I wrote The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck—a book that, underneath all the swearing and irreverence, was really about one thing: values. What do you care about? What’s actually worth your time, your energy, your life?

So in this kickoff episode of SOLVED, Drew and I are going deep into why your values are the foundation of everything—your happiness, your mental health, your relationships, your sense of meaning—and why so many of us today feel so lost.

We break down the difference between chasing cheap dopamine hits and building real fulfillment, why not all values are created equal, how to figure out what your true values are, how to change your values, how to start living out your values more fully, and how values silently shape your decisions and relationships every day. If you’ve ever felt stuck, directionless, or like you’re living someone else’s life, this episode is the wake-up call you need. It’s time to stop drifting through life and start giving a fck about the right things. Forget the rest. Welcome to SOLVED.

Get your free PDF guide: https://solvedpodcast.com/values

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Welcome to SOLVED
00:09:31 What are Values?
00:10:26 Characteristics of Values
00:14:23 Values vs. Psychological Needs vs. Preferences
00:23:06 Schwartz's Values Wheel
00:30:36 Instrumental and Terminal Values
00:32:15 Hierarchy of Values
00:38:35 Values Conflict
00:42:35 Carol Ryff's Six Dimensions of Psychological Well-being
00:57:01 Aristotle's Golden Mean as Virtue
01:05:01 Values and Your Relationships
01:22:56 The Clash of Values in Relationships
01:30:29 Identifying and Navigating Values in Relationships
01:34:40 Understanding Compatibility Through Values
01:37:25 Where Do Values Come From?
01:38:20 Margaret Mead's Cultural Relativism
01:47:55 Mary Douglas's and the Grid-Group Framework
01:56:20 Jonathan Haidt's Moral Foundations Theory
02:09:26 The Allegory of the Taco Truck
02:14:34 Identifying Your Core Values
02:16:58 Thought Experiments to Find Your Values
02:32:16 The Instrumental Value of Golf
02:41:45 The Role of Trauma in Value Change
02:48:53 How to Change Your Values
02:50:44 Kazimierz Dabrowski and Positive Disintegration
03:03:22 On Cults and Cognitive Dissonance
03:16:26 Self-Confrontation and Value Change
03:18:34 Charlie Munger's Maxim: Incentives and Behavior
03:21:56 Lessons and Takeaways
03:36:30 The 80/20 of Values

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The Last Podcast

Mark Manson — Wed, 09 Apr 2025 14:00:00 -0000

New podcast launches May 1st! We'll be releasing on this same feed, so all you have to do is stay subscribed to this channel and you'll get all the new episodes as they come out.

***

After more than 70 episodes and 30 million downloads, I’ve decided to shut down The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck Podcast. Yeah, I know—sounds a little crazy. But the truth is, I wasn’t having fun anymore. The guest treadmill, the pressure to play nice, the temptation to chase clicks instead of meaning—it all started to feel fake. So, I’m pulling the plug.

BUT—I’m not going away. I’m launching something new. It’s called Solved—a no-ads, no-guests, deep-dive podcast where each episode tackles one major life topic and breaks it down thoroughly. Think: values, emotions, procrastination—done right, from every angle, with real research and clear implementation. It’s the podcast I wish already existed. So I’m making it. First episode drops May 1 st!

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How to Find the Mindsets that Work For You (ft. Derek Sivers)

Mark Manson — Wed, 02 Apr 2025 14:00:00 -0000

I’ve got a special episode for you today. I sat down in person with my longtime friend and first-ever podcast guest, Derek Sivers. We haven’t recorded live before, and honestly, it shows—in the best way. It’s raw, weird, and filled with the kind of conversations we usually when we’re just hanging out together.

We dig into Derek’s new book, Useful, Not True, and the big idea behind it: that our beliefs don’t need to be true to be helpful. That spins off into everything from remixing creative influences (metal + Dixieland jazz, anyone?) to why most podcasts—including mine—have gotten painfully predictable. We talk artistic reinvention, Bob Dylan, Bowie, Miles Davis, why most “thought leaders” are just regurgitating each other’s ideas, and why I'm ending the podcast as you know it—and what’s next!

We also dive into the deeper stuff: the emotional power of belief, authenticity vs. performative vulnerability, therapy culture, and why sometimes the most liberating thing you can do is reject what everyone else thinks is necessary—relationships, kids, all of it.

This was one of the most honest, meandering, and creatively energizing conversations I’ve had in a while. If you’re into big questions, unconventional ideas, and the occasional musical metaphor, this one’s for you.

Derek’s new book- Useful, Not True: https://www.amazon.com/Useful-Not-True-Derek-Sivers-ebook/dp/B0D86K4XF5

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: A Special Live Recording with Derek Sivers
00:01:03 Finding Ideas: Chinese Dictionaries and Creative Remixing
00:03:52 The Miles Davis Principle: Why Success Means It's Time to Stop
00:05:59 The London Scene vs. The Welsh Countryside
00:07:49 Mark's Podcast Pivot: Breaking Out of the Interview Format
00:06:50 The Bookshelf Problem: Conformity in Podcasting
00:16:20 Introducing Useful, Not True: The Core Concept
00:20:09 Why All That Really Matters Are Your Actions
00:32:31 Religion as Actions, Not Beliefs
00:27:53 The Other Side of the River: Perspective Is Everything
00:30:15 Social Norms as Useful, Not True Beliefs
00:36:28 The Emotional Resistance to Questioning Your Beliefs
00:37:49 Against Authenticity: Why Your First Thought Is an Obstacle
00:38:42 Therapy Culture: When Private Concepts Go Public
00:42:37 The Pilot Analogy: Why We Want Some People to Lie
00:45:59 Optimistic Nihilism: The Joy of Nothing Meaning Anything
00:49:16 Everything Is Feelings: Why Emotions Are the Ultimate Metric
00:50:22 Optimizing for Happiness, Not Money
00:56:03 The Jordan Peterson Paradox: Brilliant Openings, Absolute Endings
01:03:37 Derek's Relationship Revelation: I Don't Want a Life Partner
01:07:25 The Biology Question: Should You Want What You're Supposed to Want?
01:08:07 Middle Age and Dating: Why Single Parents Check Out
01:20:26 The Companionship Paradox: Friends vs. Partners
01:21:23 Drew's Influence and the Coldplay Problem
01:23:15 The Closing: Changing Formats and Creative Courage

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LinkedIn: ⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/markmanson/⁠
YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@IAmMarkManson

Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

How to Change Your Mind Without Losing Yourself

Mark Manson — Wed, 26 Mar 2025 14:00:00 -0000

In this episode, Drew and I dive into some of the biggest beliefs we’ve shifted over the years—and what it actually looks like to change your mind.

We talk about Drew’s evolving views on religion, why I’m way less convinced that people are as changeable as we like to believe, and why I think trauma might be getting a little too much airtime in the self-help world.

We also get into the loneliness epidemic, the quiet power of community, and why so much of “personal growth” isn’t about becoming someone new—it’s about learning to work with who you already are.

Leave a comment below about what you’ve changed your mind about—and enjoy.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: 72 Episodes and the Work Behind It
00:02:00 Why We Need to Change Our Minds More Often
00:03:14 Drew's Shifting View on Religion
00:04:33 The New Atheism Movement and Its Limitations
00:05:44 Religion's Benefits: Community, Service, and Local Focus
00:06:43 The Dogma Dilemma: Can You Have the Good Without the Bad?
00:13:06 The Feature Is the Bug: Why Religion Works So Well
00:17:54 Mark's Big Mind Change: People Are Less Malleable Than We Think
00:18:53 The Twin Studies and What They Revealed
00:21:06 What Actually Changes: Attitude, Not Identity
00:26:45 The Self-Acceptance Paradox
00:24:47 It's a Skill Issue, Not a Personality Issue
00:26:15 The Dangerous Desire to Become a New Person
00:30:41 Mark's Contrarian Take: Trauma Is Overrated
00:33:24 The Trauma Narrative as Cop-Out
00:35:18 Resilience: The Underrated Human Trait
00:37:55 Drew's Contrarian Take: Optimism About the Future
00:39:35 The Data on Human Progress
00:43:17 Climate Change and the Solutions-Create-Problems Cycle
00:46:35 Closing Wisdom: Keep an Open Mind

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Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

Lessons on Money, Success, and Fulfillment You Need to Hear (ft. Lewis Howes)

Mark Manson — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 14:19:00 -0000

Lewis Howes is one of the most successful podcasters of all time—12 years, nearly 1,800 episodes, and countless interviews with world-class performers. But what’s even more interesting is how his definition of success has evolved over the years. In this conversation, Lewis opens up about shifting from a hyper-competitive, “be number one” mentality to a more collaborative, impact-driven approach.

We also dive into emotional regulation, the surprising ways our relationship with money affects our lives, and why most people either idolize or demonize wealth. Oh, and Lewis casually mentions he’s training to compete in the Olympics in his 40s. No big deal. This episode is packed with insights on what it really means to live a fulfilling, abundant life—without losing your mind in the process.

Lewis's new book, Make Money Easy: https://www.amazon.com/Make-Money-Easy-Financial-Freedom/dp/1401993931

Lewis's podcast, The School of Greatness: https://lewishowes.com/sogpodcast/

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction and 12 Years of Podcasting
00:01:03 Redefining Greatness: From Competition to Collaboration
00:03:35 The Jealousy Trap and Learning to Celebrate Others
00:04:49 When Being Number One Isn't Enough
00:10:24 The School of Greatness: Creating Your Own Therapy
00:12:07 From Hypercompetitive Athlete to Emotionally Aware Human
00:13:51 Vision and Spatial Awareness: The Athletic Edge That Translates
00:16:07 Treating Life Like Sports: Coaches, Seasons, and Feedback
00:17:40 Greatness 101: The Essential Curriculum
00:18:53 Emotional Regulation: Healing Childhood Wounds
00:22:13 Gratitude and Generosity: The Gateway to Flourishing
00:25:15 The Money Book Nobody Else Wrote
00:26:48 Money Wounds and Money Stories
00:29:22 If Money Walked Through the Door: The Revealing Exercise
00:31:09 Growing Up With Money: Downplaying Success to Fit In
00:36:15 Why We Attach So Much Emotion to Money
00:37:28 Money and Self-Worth: The Dangerous Connection
00:38:52 Mark's Healthy Relationship With Money
00:40:49 Broke and Happy vs Rich and Miserable: The Four Quadrants
00:41:30 Living on a Couch: From Defeated to Empowered
00:44:44 Success Without Peace: Fighting Everyone at 30
00:46:07 Mark's Journey: From Friend's Couch to Subtle Art Success
00:47:11 Broke But Optimistic: Learning Skills and Building Momentum
00:48:57 When Massive Success Breaks Your Brain
00:50:56 The Psychological Adjustment to Sudden Wealth
00:52:25 When Friends and Family Get Weird About Your Money
00:54:08 The Generosity Paradox: When Giving Backfires
00:56:01 Quality of Life Equals Quality of Relationships
00:57:58 Getting Married: Doing Everything Opposite
00:59:06 Courageous Conversations and Early Therapy
01:01:05 The No Upset Agreement: Communicating Without Fighting
01:02:17 Have Serious Conversations Sooner in Relationships
01:03:59 The Olympic Dream: A 40-Year Journey
01:06:53 Showing Up Uninvited: The First Handball Practice
01:08:37 The Dream That Died and Came Back to Life
01:09:54 Paris 2024: Reactivating the Fire
01:10:39 Three and a Half Years to Go: The Marathon Begins
01:12:53 Ambitious Goals That Seem Slightly Unhinged

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Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

Mastering Resilience, AI’s Unstoppable Rise, and Can We Truly Change?

Mark Manson — Wed, 12 Mar 2025 14:00:00 -0000

Resilience isn’t just about gritting your teeth and enduring pain—it’s about managing the stories you tell yourself. In this episode, I break down why most people get resilience wrong and how mastering the “second arrow” is the real key to bouncing back. We dive into post-traumatic growth, why caring about something bigger than yourself makes you stronger, and how focusing on what you can control changes everything.

We also talk about AI—how it’s not here to save or destroy humanity, but it is going to change everything. We look at how AI is already transforming creative and knowledge-based jobs, why you should be using it right now, and what you can do to stay ahead. Plus, we tackle the ultimate question: Can people change? That three-word question is lot more complex than it seems. Check it out.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: Have You Felt the AGI?
00:03:31 The Fuck of the Week: What Resilience Really Is
00:07:09 The Problem With Mental Health Apps
00:10:40 Five Ways to Build Real Resilience
00:19:56 The Novelty Addiction and Showing Up for Small Things
00:24:06 Brilliant or Bullshit: Will AI Doom or Save Humanity?
00:29:42 AI as a New Medium: Interactive Novels and Beyond
00:32:38 How to Actually Use AI: The Quality Input Problem
00:38:06 The New Scarcity: Where Humans Still Matter
00:43:50 Reader Question: Can People Change?
00:46:36 The Prerequisites for Change and the Codependency Trap
00:51:18 What Actually Counts as Change?
00:55:50 Personal Changes and the Slow Grind

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Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

How to Stop Letting Fear Control Your Life (ft. Dr. Julie Smith)

Mark Manson — Wed, 05 Mar 2025 15:00:00 -0000

You know that voice in your head that loves to tell you that you suck? Yeah, that one. The one that compares you to everyone on Instagram, tells you you’re a failure for eating cereal at 11 p.m., and insists you’ll never get your life together. Well, today, we’re calling in a professional to deal with that assh*le. Dr. Julie Smith is a clinical psychologist and viral mental health educator who’s built a massive following by actually making psychology make sense. In this episode, she breaks down how to quiet that inner critic, stop getting crushed by comparison, and reframe your self-loathing into something a little more useful—like self-respect.

We also dig into what it’s like to become internet famous when you’re an introvert, why emotions are not facts (even though they feel like they are), and how to stop letting social media, your parents, and your own bullsh*t beliefs define your worth. Whether you’re stuck in a shame spiral, wondering why life feels pointless, or just trying to figure out how to not hate yourself so much, this episode is for you.

Dr. Julie’s new book, Open When: A Companion for Life's Twists & Turns: https://www.amazon.com/Open-When-Companion-Lifes-Twists-ebook/dp/B0D3CB1XX6

Dr. Julie’s first book, Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?: https://www.amazon.com/Why-Nobody-Told-This-Before-ebook/dp/B0983L6T32

Follow Dr. Julie:

https://www.youtube.com/@DrJulie

https://www.instagram.com/drjulie

https://www.tiktok.com/@drjulie

https://x.com/drjuliesmith

https://www.facebook.com/DrJulieSmith/

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: That Voice in Your Head
00:01:13 The Social Media Paradox: Spreading Mental Health Advice Online
00:03:21 From Therapy Room to TikTok: An Accidental Journey
00:04:55 Internet Fame and the Introvert's Dilemma
00:07:01 Having Your Own Back: The Inner Coach Technique
00:09:50 The Investment Portfolio Approach to Identity
00:12:40 Social Comparison: A Strength Turned Upside Down
00:17:47 The Values Exercise: Finding What Actually Matters
00:20:48 The Whole Package: Envying Success Without the Sacrifice
00:22:58 Working With Military Trauma: What Humans Are Capable Of
00:25:32 You Have More Capacity to Cope Than You Think
00:27:33 Predator vs Prey: Facing a Cancer Diagnosis
00:30:23 Thriving Under Pressure: The Great Debate
00:31:42 The Loneliness Epidemic and Modern Barriers to Connection
00:35:02 Good Therapy, Bad Therapy: What to Look For
00:39:52 Modeling a Positive Ending: The Therapeutic Breakup
00:41:00 When Everything Feels Pointless: Nihilism and Meaning
00:44:01 Emotions Are Not Facts: The DBT Approach
00:46:05 Emotions as Weather: Clouds Will Pass
00:47:59 What Actually Matters: The People Right Next to You
00:50:02 When Your Parents Got It Wrong: The Adult-to-Adult Shift
00:53:34 The Healed Human Myth: Relationships Are Two Imperfect People
00:54:27 When You Hate Who You've Become: The Impossible Task of Pleasing Everyone
00:57:13 Emotions as Echoes of the Past
00:59:00 Liberation From Parental Approval: A Sign of Maturity
00:59:37 Closing: We're All Healed Now

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Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

How to Fear Less, Spark More Creativity, and Choose Better Problems in Life

Mark Manson — Wed, 26 Feb 2025 15:00:00 -0000

Fear of failure isn’t really about failure—it’s about what failure means to us. We’re not scared of messing up; we’re scared of being judged, embarrassed, or proving our worst insecurities right. But the people who actually succeed at anything are the ones willing to suck at it long enough to get good. Today, we break down why failure feels so terrifying, how social comparison messes with our heads, and why the loudest critics are usually the ones who’ve never done a damn thing themselves. Tune in for some practical tips on overcoming all of this.

We also dig into the science of why boredom can spark better ideas, why our addiction to content might be making us less creative, and whether we should all do a digital detox before our brains turn into overstimulated mush. Finally, we wrap things up with a simple but profound question: If life is just an endless series of trade-offs, what are the best problems to have? Because problems never go away—you just get to level up to better ones.

The Creative Benefits of Boredom: https://hbr.org/2014/09/the-creative-benefits-of-boredom

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: The Morning Workout Experiment That Failed
00:02:39 The Fuck of the Week: Fear of Failure
00:03:47 What You're Really Afraid Of: It's Not the Failure Itself
00:05:25 The Spotlight Effect: Nobody's Watching You Like You Think
00:09:35 Reframing Failure: You Have to Suck at Something First
00:11:43 Why Fear Is Really About Relationships
00:13:49 The Paradox of Cringe: Growth Requires Embarrassment
00:16:02 Five Tactics to Conquer Fear: Exposure Therapy and Beyond
00:22:43 Building an Identity Around Doing Hard Things
00:25:18 The Key Takeaway: Focus on Process Over Outcome
00:27:27 Brilliant Bullshit: Does Boredom Make You More Creative?
00:35:07 The Creativity Crisis: Why Art Feels Less Innovative
00:39:39 Practical Tips: How to Use Boredom to Boost Creativity
00:42:18 Reader Question: What Are the Best and Worst Problems to Have?
00:48:22 The Red Paperclip Story: Life as a Series of Trade-Offs
00:51:43 Wisdom of the Week: Mark's New Favorite Joke

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Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

The Unexpected Truth About Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll (ft. Randy Blythe)

Mark Manson — Wed, 19 Feb 2025 15:00:00 -0000

Life in a rock band isn’t all sold-out shows and backstage parties—it’s a high-pressure, all-consuming commitment that tests friendships, sanity, and survival. In this episode, I sit down with Randy Blythe, legendary frontman of Lamb of God, to pull back the curtain on what it really takes to last in the music industry. From the brutal realities of band relationships to the myths of the rockstar lifestyle, Randy shares unfiltered insights on creativity, addiction, and personal transformation.

We also dig into his journey to sobriety, the impact of punk rock’s DIY ethos, and the surprising ways today’s generation is redefining rebellion. Whether you’re a musician, a fan, or just someone navigating your own challenges, this conversation is a raw and inspiring look at resilience, reinvention, and the power of staying true to yourself.

Randy’s books:

Just Beyond the Light: https://www.amazon.com/Just-Beyond-Light-Making-Inside-ebook/dp/B0DJHMN7C1

Dark Days: https://www.amazon.com/Dark-Days-D-Randall-Blythe/dp/0306825090

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: From Punk Rock to Prison
00:02:15 The Reality of Band Relationships
00:10:50 Discovering Punk Rock: The Sex Pistols Moment
00:15:19 The Cultural Evolution of Rebellion
00:19:00 Why Artists and Musicians Struggle with Addiction
00:22:30 Kurt Cobain and the Romanticism of Pain
00:30:17 October 17th, 2010: Randy's Last Day Drinking
00:37:04 The Brutal Reality of Getting Sober
00:25:44 Creativity After Sobriety
00:42:16 Balancing Two Extremes: Optimism and Nihilism
00:47:45 Why Metal Heads Are Actually the Nicest People
00:51:44 Arrested in Prague: The Nightmare Begins
00:55:42 37 Days in Pankrac Prison
01:00:26 The Artist's Mind in Crisis
00:58:34 Why Randy Went Back to Face Trial
01:06:27 Lessons from Prison: Perspective and Gratitude
01:10:13 Advice for Young Creatives: Practice and Don't Give a Fuck
01:12:51 The Reality Check: Beer Bottles and Middle Fingers

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Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

Snake Oil or Self-Help?, Minimalism’s Real Value, and Atheists Who Go to Church

Mark Manson — Wed, 12 Feb 2025 15:00:00 -0000

Self-help is supposed to, you know, help. But what if, sometimes, it actually makes things worse? In this episode, we take a hard look at the self-improvement industry that promises transformation but often sells little more than feel-good illusions. From outdated advice that preys on your insecurities to the dopamine hit of "life-changing" content that changes nothing, we break down why self-help often fails the people who need it most.

Along with unpacking the biggest traps of self-improvement, Drew and I also tackle whether or not minimalism was just an aesthetic rebellion against our parents’ McMansion dreams. We were both once staunch minimalists and we look back on what we learned and what principles still apply to our lives today. We wrap up with a listener question about the ethics of going to church if you’re an atheist. It’s another grab bag episode full of rabbit holes. Check it out.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: The Chair Situation and What's Coming
00:00:31 Five Problems with the Self-Help Industry
00:03:07 Bad to Okay vs. Okay to Great: Two Different Audiences
00:05:33 The Shame Trap: When Self-Help Makes You Feel Worse
00:07:41 The Codependency Problem and Who We're Really Helping
00:10:08 Self-Help as Avoidance: Learning vs. Doing
00:13:51 The Magic Bullet Myth: Unrealistic Marketing Expectations
00:17:06 The Science Problem: Replication Crisis and What Actually Works
00:18:29 Treating Yourself as an Experiment
00:22:29 The Self-Acceptance Paradox: Revisiting the Fifth Problem
00:25:15 Minimalism: Our Personal Journey
00:26:29 The Cultural Context: Why Minimalism Became a Trend
00:30:37 The Benefits and Downsides of Owning Less
00:34:07 Minimalism as Identity: The Status Symbol Problem
00:34:49 Sentimentality and Objects: When Things Matter
00:33:22 The Real Lesson: Anti-Consumerism, Not Minimalism
00:40:52 Listener Question: Can Atheists Go to Church?
00:44:21 The Church-Sized Hole in Society
00:49:22 Why Strict Beliefs Create Stronger Communities
00:51:30 Wisdom of the Week: Carl Rogers on Self-Acceptance

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Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

Ask Mark Anything: Live from Australia

Mark Manson — Wed, 05 Feb 2025 15:00:00 -0000

Australia, you absolute legends. Back in November, I did a speaking tour across seven cities, talking to thousands of you about life, purpose, relationships, and why giving fewer fucks is the key to actually living a life you don’t hate.

We recorded some of the best Q&A moments to share with you here on the podcast. We diving into the big existential stuff—how to stop procrastinating, how to know if a relationship is right for you, and whether Australia’s ban on social media for kids is actually a good thing or not.

We’ll also talk about the brutal truth behind imposter syndrome, how to stop caring so much about what other people think, and one thing that actually helps you figure out what the hell you should be doing with your life. Plus, I’ll share some hard-earned wisdom on drinking, quitting, and why people stay in bad relationships way too long. So if you’ve ever felt stuck, lost, or just overwhelmed by the sheer absurdity of life, this one’s for you. Hit play and let’s get into it.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: Live from Australia
00:02:00 Finding What Truly Matters in Life
00:03:46 The Real Reason We Procrastinate
00:07:27 Healing From Trauma: Rebuilding Trust in the World
00:09:46 The Experiment Framework: How Long to Try
00:13:19 Stop Caring What Others Think
00:14:43 Killing Old Versions of Yourself
00:16:35 The Secret to a Long-Term Successful Marriage
00:19:44 Relationship Uncertainty: Will They Come Back?
00:22:17 Bad Behavior and the 2024 Election
00:26:12 Trade-Offs With Outsized Returns
00:28:58 Parenting Advice: Raising Kids With Healthy Values
00:32:00 Turning Imposter Syndrome Into Motivation
00:34:03 Relationship Expectations: What You Deserve
00:35:39 The Problem With Too Much Empathy
00:39:00 Australia's Social Media Ban for Kids Under 16
00:40:53 Life Advice for a 16-Year-Old
00:42:47 Escaping Analysis Paralysis
00:44:41 Caring Too Much at 15: Social Pressure at School
00:47:19 Staying Relevant in the Age of AI
00:49:23 The Paradox of Good People Who Don't Feel Good
00:51:35 Stop Searching for Purpose: Make It Instead
00:54:41 When Support Becomes a Prison
00:57:47 Overcoming Failure After Failure
01:00:37 Finding Hope When the World Feels Depressing
01:04:40 Death, Grief, and Memento Mori

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Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

How to Build a Life Full of Meaning and Purpose (ft. Arthur Brooks)

Mark Manson — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 15:00:00 -0000

Today, I sit down with Arthur Brooks, a renowned social scientist and happiness expert, for a deep dive into the realms of meaning, faith, and love. Our conversation takes unexpected turns as we explore the intersection of spirituality, psychology, and personal growth. From discussing the evolutionary roots of our search for meaning to examining the role of faith in modern life, this episode challenges conventional wisdom and offers fresh perspectives on age-old questions.

We cover a wide range of topics, including the importance of boredom in fostering creativity, the dangers of political activism as a substitute for religion, and the keys to a successful marriage. Arthur shares insights from his work with the Dalai Lama, explains why young men are increasingly turning to religion, and offers advice on finding meaning in a world dominated by technology. Whether you're grappling with questions of faith, seeking to understand the nature of love, or simply looking for ways to live a more fulfilling life, this conversation will leave you with plenty to ponder and explore further.

Arthur’s latest book with Oprah Winfrey: Build the Life You Want: https://www.amazon.com/Build-Life-You-Want-Science-ebook/dp/B0C38FCTJC

All of Arthur’s books: https://www.amazon.com/stores/Arthur-C.-Brooks/author/B001HOU7RE

Arthur’s online workshop: https://www.scienceofhappier.com/

Arthur’s newsletter: https://arthurbrooks.com/newsletter

Arthur’s column in The Atlantic: https://www.theatlantic.com/projects/how-build-life/

Follow Arthur:

https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/

https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/

https://x.com/arthurbrooks

https://www.tiktok.com/@arthurcbrooks

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: Two Former Musicians Walk Into a Studio
00:00:45 The Super Striver Kid: When Ambition Replaces Meaning
00:03:38 The Identity Trap: When You Become What You Do
00:06:36 The Evolutionary Tension: Acclaim vs. Meaning
00:08:43 The Limbic System vs. The Prefrontal Cortex
00:11:55 The Meaning Crisis: When Your Life Feels Pointless
00:13:08 The Boredom Solution: Why You Need to Be Bored More
00:15:34 Coherence vs. Chaos: The Information Abundance Problem
00:17:19 The Default Mode Network: Where Your Best Ideas Come From
00:18:29 Leisure as Meaning: Joseph Pieper and Structured Downtime
00:21:50 The Rise of Religiosity: Bible Sales and the Hunger for Depth
00:24:45 Young Men and the Meaning Crisis: Why Gender Divergence Is Happening
00:26:28 The Domestication Problem: Men at 30 and Substance Abuse
00:27:38 Church as the New Dating App: Why It's Getting Cool Again
00:28:45 The Genetic Component: Why People Return to Childhood Religion
00:30:26 Mark's Religious Journey: From Resentful Atheist to Intellectually Curious
00:33:57 The Emotional Relationship Fallacy: Why You Don't Need Certainty
00:35:29 Meaning Comes From Understanding, Not Answers
00:37:10 The Tangible vs. The Abstract: Is God Like Your Wife?
00:42:29 Neti Neti and the Via Negativa: Defining God by What It's Not
00:43:23 Transcendence: The Secret to Happiness
00:45:00 The Dalai Lama and the Earthrise Photo: Getting Small
00:47:25 The I Self vs. The Me Self: Where We Spend Our Attention
00:48:45 Childish Spirituality vs. Mature Faith: What Healthy Religion Looks Like
00:49:46 Politics as Substitute Religion: The Dark Side of Activism
00:50:34 Love and Contemplation: The Two Pillars of Healthy Religion
00:52:18 Fitness Cults and Marketing Religiosity: Missing the Point
00:53:35 Toxic Family vs. Political Schism: When to Cut People Off
00:56:33 Dark Triad Political Activists: How to Spot a Cult Leader
00:59:45 Virtual Cults: Why Internet Extremism Is Weaker Than You Think
01:01:39 Startups vs. Mergers: Why Most Successful Marriages Begin Young
01:02:20 The Hive Mind Marriage: Why Separate Bank Accounts Are Problematic
01:04:30 Men Fall Apart Alone: The Gender Divide in Singleness
01:05:44 Companionate Love: Your Spouse as Your Best Friend
01:07:25 The Spiritual Journey Together: Lewis and Clark Looking for the Pacific
01:08:59 Marriage Blindsided Me: The Permanence I Feared Became the Benefit
01:10:34 The Divorce Rate Myth: Your Odds Are Better Than You Think

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Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

Building Real Confidence, The Motivation Puzzle, and Understanding All Your “Parts”

Mark Manson — Wed, 22 Jan 2025 15:00:00 -0000

Drew comes in hot today as we dig into the nitty gritty of confidence and motivation. We explore the counterintuitive idea that true confidence doesn't come from expecting success, but from being comfortable with failure. If you've ever struggled with self-doubt or felt demotivated despite external achievements, this episode might just change your perspective.

We start by dissecting what I call the "Confidence Conundrum" and how it applies to various aspects of life, from business to relationships. Then, we challenge some long-held beliefs about intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, discussing research that questions the idea that external rewards always undermine our natural interests. We wrap up with a thought-provoking exploration of Internal Family Systems theory and how understanding the different "parts" of our psyche can lead to greater self-integration. This is a grab bag episode that we had a lot of fun with, so I hope you enjoy it

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: Drew Comes In Hot
00:01:29 The Confidence Conundrum Explained
00:04:02 Why External Success Doesn't Create Confidence
00:06:04 The Delusion Question: Startup Founders vs. High Earners
00:08:01 Why Affirmations and External Self-Improvement Fail
00:10:35 Being Comfortable With What You Lack
00:15:47 The Rejection Story: How Mark Met His Wife
00:18:51 The Route to Positivity Runs Through Negativity
00:20:07 Brilliant or Bullshit: The Motivation Puzzle
00:22:21 Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation Defined
00:24:25 Philip Pokes Holes in Motivation Theory
00:28:47 The Laboratory Problem: Are We Measuring What We Think?
00:34:37 Rewards as Distractions, Not Demotivators
00:36:35 Two Different Activities: The Woodworking Example
00:38:32 The Takeaway: When External Rewards Change the Game
00:39:56 Question of the Week: Understanding Your Parts
00:41:01 How Parts Work: The Conservative Family vs. Sex Worker Example
00:43:26 Drew's Personal Experience: Anxious vs. Avoidant Parts
00:45:55 The Professional vs. Personal Self
00:47:05 Why Parts Work Finally Caught On
00:49:40 Wisdom of the Week: Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

How to Take Back Your Own Mind (ft. Tim Urban)

Mark Manson — Wed, 15 Jan 2025 15:00:00 -0000

Today, I'm joined by my old friend Tim Urban, the mastermind behind the wildly popular blog Wait But Why. Known for his ability to break down complex topics with humor and stick-figure drawings, Tim has captured the attention of millions worldwide. From his early days as a blogger to the release of his first book, "What's Our Problem?: A Self-Help Book for Societies," Tim has consistently delivered thought-provoking content that challenges our understanding of the world around us.

In this episode, we dive into pressing issues like unfettered tribalism, the concept of "idea prisons," and the potential impact of AI on society. Tim also shares personal insights as a new parent and teases his upcoming book. It'll challenge your perspectives and leave you craving more of Tim's signature blend of depth, wit, and accessibility. Don't miss this captivating conversation that tackles the complexities of our modern world head-on.

Tim’s blog: Wait, But Why?: https://waitbutwhy.com/

Tim’s book: What’s Our Problem: https://www.amazon.com/Whats-Our-Problem-Self-Help-Societies-ebook/dp/B0BTJCTR58

Follow Tim:

https://www.instagram.com/timurban

https://x.com/waitbutwhy

https://www.facebook.com/waitbutwhy

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: Tim Urban and Why Everyone Lost Their Minds
00:02:04 The Idea Prison Test: What Have You Changed Your Mind About?
00:03:00 Democrats, Republicans, and the Noun Prison
00:04:01 Sports Tribalism vs. Political Tribalism
00:05:33 How Tim Escaped His Own Idea Prison
00:07:15 Religion, Atheism, and the Wisdom Tim Missed
00:09:49 The Vertical vs. Horizontal Distinction in Politics
00:11:57 Are We Past Peak Tribalism?
00:12:31 Historical Patterns: The Red Scare and Salem Witch Trials
00:13:24 When the Primitive Mind Takes Over
00:14:59 The Wokeness Wave: A Crazy Thing That Happened
00:16:44 Social Media: The Root Cause That Remains
00:18:50 The Environmental Shift: New Media, New Power Dynamics
00:20:10 Developing Antibodies: Why It Takes a Generation
00:21:49 Mad Men and the Low-Hanging Fruit of New Media
00:23:02 Evolution, Power Vacuums, and the Iron Age Analogy
00:25:15 The Follower Economy and Algorithm Incentives
00:26:47 AI: The Next Cycle Before We've Finished This One
00:28:30 Will AI Solve or Worsen Our Information Problem?
00:30:30 The Alien Attack Solution and Productive Tribalism
00:31:56 When Information Becomes Universal and Free
00:32:57 Democracy, Facts, and the Will of the People
00:34:44 MSNBC, Fox News, and the Misinformation Business Model
00:36:10 The Three Tiers of Tribalism
00:37:20 When National Threats Disappear
00:38:30 Latin America, the Middle East, and Tribalism Geography
00:41:32 Parenthood: The Massive Pile of Pros and Cons
00:42:29 Pure Love and Low IQ Company
00:46:27 The Temporary Loss of Freedom
00:47:59 The History of Everything: Tim's Next Book
00:48:56 The Hell of Book Writing and the Freedom of Not

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Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

Breaking the Monoculture, the Rise of “Premium Mediocre”, and Choosing Your Suck

Mark Manson — Wed, 08 Jan 2025 15:00:00 -0000

Ever feel like culture’s splitting into countless micro-worlds where everyone’s just vibing to their own thing? In this episode, I introduce my theory on the "Jazzification of Everything." Drew and I dive into how our subcultures of music, entertainment, and even personal obsessions have evolved into these aging communities, totally detached from the cultural monocultures of the past. Whether it’s metal fans in their forties or electronic music lovers growing older with their favorite DJs, we explore how the media landscape and algorithms have encouraged us to stick to what we know—and why this shift could be both a gift and a curse.

We also dig into why “premium mediocre” is taking over our consumer habits, and whether or not that’s actually a bad thing. We discuss how these tiny, exclusive-seeming trends might be fooling us, offering superficial luxuries instead of anything truly valuable. We cap it off with a big question about whether chasing after anything is worth it, or if we’re just dooming ourselves to disappointment. Give it a listen. Enjoy.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 The Jazzification of Everything: A Cultural Theory
00:00:25 Metal Shows, Electronic Music, and Middle-Aged Audiences
00:01:43 When Jazz Was Cool: The Birth of Subcultures
00:03:40 The Death of Monoculture and Cultural Balkanization
00:10:00 The Phone Problem: Recording vs. Experiencing Concerts
00:17:24 Digital Pacifiers and Avoiding Discomfort
00:21:07 Premium Mediocre: The Concept Explained
00:26:19 Why Everything Feels Like a Lie: Millennial Cynicism
00:28:29 Premium Mediocre Politics, Media, and Modern Life
00:30:25 The Maya Millennial and Aspirational Consumption
00:31:29 WeWork and the Premium Mediocre Business Model
00:33:45 The Innovation Problem: Solving Fake Problems
00:35:56 Choosing Your Suck: Why Chase Anything at All?
00:37:29 The Masochist Question: What Pain Do You Enjoy?
00:39:13 Over-Indexing on Meaning: The New Trap

⇨ Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: ⁠⁠⁠⁨https://markmanson.net/breakthrough⁩⁠⁠⁠

Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

How to Set Goals and Create Healthy Habits in 2025

Mark Manson — Wed, 01 Jan 2025 15:00:00 -0000

In this special New Year's episode of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck podcast, we dive into the perennial challenge of making meaningful changes in our lives. Rather than falling into the typical "new year, new you" trap that leads most people to abandon their resolutions by February, Drew and I explore a different approach to personal transformation. We share our own struggles with perfectionism, control, and finding purpose.

We also dig into some research about how evolution may have shaped our sense of purpose, the science of habit formation, and offer practical strategies for making lasting changes. Whether you're setting goals for the new year or just trying to build better habits, this episode will help you approach personal growth with more wisdom and less pressure in 2025. Enjoy.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: New Year, New You... Again
00:02:18 Last Year's Resolutions: How Did We Do?
00:03:39 The Fuck of the Year: Drew's Battle with Perfectionism
00:06:24 Making Abstract Goals Concrete: The Action Plan
00:11:52 Mark's Fuck of the Year: Letting Go of Control
00:14:58 The Terror of Transformation: Loss Aversion and Career Evolution
00:17:43 Team Safe Words and Delegation Struggles
00:20:17 Brilliant or Bullshit: Evolution Gave Us Purpose
00:26:26 The Status Paradox and Religious Communities
00:33:09 Purpose Isn't Always Pleasant: The Ethics Question
00:34:30 The Verdict: Small Improvements Beat Big Dreams
00:36:46 Listener Question: Why Are Bad Habits So Easy?
00:39:41 The Habit Loop: Modifying Cues and Adding Friction
00:43:42 Treating Symptoms vs. Root Causes: The Emotional Triggers
00:47:57 The Comfort Zone Problem and Meta Emotions
00:51:40 Outro: Wisdom of the Week Fail

⇨ Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: ⁠⁠⁠⁨https://markmanson.net/breakthrough⁩⁠⁠⁠

Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

No Regrets, The Case Against Empathy, and Is AI Coming for Us All?

Mark Manson — Wed, 18 Dec 2024 15:00:00 -0000

This week, we dive headfirst into the messy, uncomfortable topic of regret. From the aches and grays that come with hitting a new decade to the deeper realizations about relationships, selfish mistakes, and missed opportunities, we unpack how regret shapes who we are. And there's a twist: what if regret isn’t something to fear or avoid? What if it’s a tool for growth? I share my own stories of taking people for granted, self-destructive habits, and the lessons I’ve learned about self-forgiveness and choosing your regrets wisely.

We also tackle some fascinating questions about whether empathy is actually good for society. Is it always a good thing, or can it sometimes lead us astray? To round things off, we share our thoughts on AI and its impact on creativity and human connection.

Enjoy.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Welcome to 40: Turning Points and Reflection
00:02:10 The Regret Conversation: Looking Back on Life at 40
00:03:15 Identity and Experience: Why Mark Doesn't Do Regret
00:04:48 The Five Regrets of the Dying and What They Reveal
00:07:42 Taking People for Granted: Drew's Biggest Regret
00:09:11 The Disrespect Factor: When Young Mark Was a Dick
00:11:44 Health Regrets and Ignoring Your Own Advice
00:15:45 Self-Forgiveness and Moving Forward from Regret
00:18:20 Brilliant or Bullshit: Is Empathy Overrated?
00:19:23 The Rise of Empathy in Gen Z and What It Means
00:22:14 When Empathy Blinds You: The Spotlight Effect
00:25:50 The George Floyd Effect: When Empathy Backfires
00:27:45 Cognitive vs. Emotional Empathy and Effective Altruism
00:33:02 How Netflix Manipulates Your Empathy for Serial Killers
00:37:15 Empathy's Proper Place: Small, Local, and Personal
00:38:43 AI and Creativity: What's the New Scarcity?
00:41:10 The Two Internets: Machine Internet vs. Human Internet
00:42:58 Why Magnus Carlsen Matters More Than Chess Software
00:44:39 Reddit, Live Events, and the Return to Human Connection
00:48:23 Using AI as a Tool, Not a Replacement
00:49:51 Wisdom of the Week: Regret for Wasted Time

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Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

How to Get Lucky in Life and Take Smarter Risks

Mark Manson — Wed, 11 Dec 2024 15:00:00 -0000

Today, we dive into the fascinating world of luck, risk, and how they shape our lives. We explore the delicate balance between playing it safe and taking chances, and why understanding this balance is crucial for personal growth. If you've ever wondered whether you're too cautious or not cautious enough, then strap in for this one.

We dig into the psychology of luck, examining how our perceptions influence our outcomes, and why taking calculated risks can lead to outsized returns. We also tackle the tough question of how to cope with life's inevitable hardships. Hopefully this gives you a fresh perspective on risk-taking and a new appreciation for the role of chance in your life.

Enjoy.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 The Tesla Disaster and the Doghouse
00:02:22 The Fuck of the Week: How Lucky Are You?
00:03:17 Luck Is Just Risk Management
00:05:21 The Four Ways to Create Your Own Luck
00:10:30 Counterfactual Thinking: It Could Always Be Worse
00:13:56 The Natural Fail Rate of Life
00:15:21 Poker and Thinking in Probabilities
00:17:44 Are We All Chicken Shits? The Risk Aversion Crisis
00:21:37 The Equilibrium of Risk: Fewer Risk-Takers, Bigger Rewards
00:24:54 How Mark Analyzes Risk: The Analytical and Qualitative Sides
00:27:25 The Most Important Question: What Do You Gain If You Fail?
00:30:04 Asymmetric Risk: When the Upside Crushes the Downside
00:32:23 Taking At-Bats: Why You Need to Try 100 Times
00:34:13 How Do You Accept That Life Will Always Hurt?
00:35:06 The Fail Rate of Being Human
00:40:10 The Two Arrows of Pain: Event vs. Meaning
00:41:38 Why Do Good Things Happen to Bad People?

⇨ Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: ⁠⁠⁠⁨https://markmanson.net/breakthrough⁩⁠⁠⁠

Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

Advice To Avoid, The Dark Side of Therapy, and Taking Your Own Medicine

Mark Manson — Wed, 04 Dec 2024 15:00:00 -0000

You ever notice how some people can’t stand being told what to do—even when the advice is good? Yeah, that’s me. In this episode, Drew and I dig into why so many of us rebel against advice, why others chase it like their life depends on it, and whether all that “actionable advice” we’re constantly fed is actually helping anyone. Spoiler: I’m not a fan of cookie-cutter solutions, and I’ve got some opinions about the self-help industry’s obsession with telling people exactly what to do.

We also get into the bigger picture—how advice often misses the mark when it’s not tailored to someone’s unique situation, and how therapy culture might be trying to replace something deeper that’s missing in our lives. I’ll share why I don’t give rigid life hacks, the trouble with universal solutions, and the surprising reason why most breakthroughs aren’t about the advice at all. If you’re tired of “do this, don’t do that” advice, this one’s for you.

Enjoy.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: The Compulsive Contrarian
00:02:30 The Problem with Actionable Advice
00:04:09 Why One-Size-Fits-All Advice Fails
00:06:44 Bad to Okay vs. Good to Great
00:09:05 All Advice Is Autobiographical
00:13:16 The Boring Truth About What Actually Works
00:16:50 Self-Help as Entertainment and Hobby
00:20:12 Therapy vs. Therapy Culture
00:24:26 Why Therapy Doesn't Scale
00:29:05 The New Morality of Self-Fulfillment
00:31:55 The Pendulum: Self-Indulgence to Self-Denial
00:35:46 Taking Your Own Medicine
00:39:30 The Materialism Trap
00:41:53 Wisdom of the Week: Advice Like Snow

⇨ Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: ⁠⁠⁠⁨https://markmanson.net/breakthrough⁩⁠⁠⁠

FOLLOW MARK
Mark's IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/markmanson⁠
Solved IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/solvedpodcast/⁠
Twitter: ⁠https://x.com/markmanson⁠

LinkedIn: ⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/markmanson/⁠
YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@IAmMarkManson

Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

How to Stop Living for Other People (ft. Ben Nemtin)

Mark Manson — Wed, 20 Nov 2024 15:00:00 -0000

Have you ever felt like there’s more to life than the daily grind, like your dreams are buried under all the obligations and expectations life throws at you?

In this episode, we sit down with The Buried Life co-founder and New York Times bestselling author, Ben Nemtin, to explore why so many of us feel disconnected from our true purpose—and how to reclaim it.

For Ben, it all started as a group of friends chasing wild bucket-list dreams and helping strangers achieve their dreams too. In the process, they discovered what it means to give yourself permission to dream and then make those dreams a reality.

We dive deep into the psychology of fear, the power of accountability, and the surprising benefits of doing what you love—not just for yourself, but for everyone around you. We discuss why most people regret not living authentically, how to overcome the social and emotional barriers holding you back, and practical strategies for rediscovering your dreams, even if they’ve been buried for years.

If you’re looking for inspiration to take that first small step toward a life that feels truly yours, this episode will get you there.

Enjoy.

Ben’s Stuff:

The Bucket List Journal by Ben Nemtin: https://www.amazon.com/Bucket-List-Journal-Achieve-Fulfilling/dp/B09VX2LMY2

The Buried Life (TV Show): https://www.bennemtin.com/tv-show/

The Buried Life (Poem): https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/43585/the-buried-life

Ben’s Website: https://www.bennemtin.comBen’s TED Talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6Y7mfxEaco

Follow Ben:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/bennemtin

https://www.instagram.com/bennemtin

https://twitter.com/BenNemtin

https://www.facebook.com/Nemtin/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5l2kfhEEEXLm2HlRXRVzbw

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: The Buried Life Origin Story
00:03:17 The Two-Week Road Trip That Changed Everything
00:07:40 The Ripple Effect: When Doing What You Love Inspires Others
00:09:18 The Biggest Human Regret: Not Living Authentically
00:12:09 From Crazy MTV Stunts to Playing Basketball with Obama
00:18:53 Purpose Isn't One Thing: Following Feelings Over Logic
00:21:25 The Authentic Self Is a Moving Target
00:23:03 Recycling Careers and Relationships: Learning From Uncle Bill
00:25:40 Why Do We Feel So Buried? The Death Perspective
00:30:01 Depression and Living Out of Alignment
00:31:51 Happiness Is Moving Toward Your Potential
00:33:19 Step One: Write Down Your Dreams in 10 Life Categories
00:36:08 The Power of Accountability: How Ben Survived Depression
00:38:13 Building Accountability: Share, Ask for Help, Find Your Buddy
00:40:54 Getting Unstuck: Action Creates Inspiration, Not the Other Way Around
00:45:38 Fear Is Your Friend: Delineating Fear From Risk
00:47:50 The TEDx Talk That Failed (But Changed Everything)
00:48:26 Leveraging Emotion: Turning Pro and Following Your Internal Compass
00:50:56 When You Don't Know What You Want: Start With Experiments
00:52:57 The Ripple Effect of a Failed Clothing Line
00:55:55 The Homeless Shelter Story: The First Time They Helped Someone
00:57:37 The Bucket List Journal: A Roadmap to Your Authentic Life

⇨ Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: ⁠⁠⁠⁨https://markmanson.net/breakthrough⁩⁠⁠⁠

Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

The 4 Stages of Life, Psychological Richness, and How Much Is Enough?

Mark Manson — Wed, 13 Nov 2024 15:00:00 -0000

Life has a way of just kind of happening to you. And while exactly what happens is unique to each of us, we all seem to go through very similar stages of our lives.

Today, we talk about the challenges of these stages. Each stage comes with its own “crisis” that, if navigated well, can propel us to the next stage. It is this never-ending struggle where life happens.

And then… Drew gets all new age and Mark just isn’t having it. And we round it out with a very simple, yet very difficult question from a listener: How much is enough?

Enjoy.

The Four Stages of Life by Mark Manson:https://markmanson.net/four-stages-of-life

The Art of the Interesting by Lorraine Besser: https://www.amazon.com/Art-Interesting-What-Pursuit-Cultivate/dp/1538743205

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: The Tolerance Paradox
00:02:46 The Four Stages of Life Framework
00:04:21 Stage One: Mimicry and the Crisis of Identity
00:06:53 Stage Two: Exploration and the Novelty Trap
00:09:47 Peter Pan Syndrome and Extended Adolescence
00:10:51 Stage Three: Commitment and Deep Meaning
00:12:59 Stage Four: Legacy and Acceptance
00:15:55 The Pain of Transition Between Stages
00:22:46 Your Relationship With Time Completely Changes
00:25:05 Brilliant or Bullshit: Psychological Richness
00:29:57 The Diversified Happiness Portfolio Theory
00:36:58 How Much Is Enough?
00:41:03 When 'Never Enough' Becomes Your Superpower
00:43:10 Wisdom of the Week: Toni Morrison on Beauty

⇨ Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: ⁠⁠⁠⁨https://markmanson.net/breakthrough⁩⁠⁠⁠

Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

How to Cut Through the Bullsh*t in Modern Dating (ft. Sabrina Zohar)

Mark Manson — Wed, 06 Nov 2024 15:00:00 -0000

Wouldn’t it be great if we dropped all the bullsh*t about modern dating? No more games. No more fake, flaky people. No more texting back and forth for weeks or even months only to find out you have zero chemistry when you meet up in person. No more f*cking bots and AI generated dating profiles…

Sabrina Zohar definitely thinks we can skip all of it and get right down to the fun stuff (oh yeah, baby!). All it requires is brutal honesty with yourself and the people you’re interested in. So if you can stomach that, this episode is right up your alley.

We ask Sabrina: What does your attachment style really tell you about how you should date? Are dating apps really that terrible, or can we change the way we use them to get better results? And do we have high standards, or are our expectations just too f*cking high

And a whole lot more.

We had a lot of fun in the studio with Sabrina. I hope you enjoy it too.

About Sabrina Zohar

Sabrina Zohar is the multi-faceted entrepreneur and media figure responsible for coaching hundreds of thousands of people to start doing the work to improve their dating life, their relationships with others–and more importantly: their relationships with themselves.

Sabrina’s online presence shifted from talking about her sustainable clothing line, SoftWear, to sharing about her personal dating life. Sabrina’s message spread like wildfire, and the rest is history.

Sabrina’s message has earned her features in NBC California live, The LA times, The Drew Barrymore show, Daily Mail, Newsweek, US Sun, Yahoo, MSN, and more. Sabrina is a multi-faceted force guiding individuals to success in the entrepreneurial space, fashion, podcasting and media, and of course, the intricate world of love and relationships.

Sabrina’s website: https://www.sabrinazohar.com/

The Sabrina Zohar Show Podcast: https://www.sabrinazohar.com/podcast

Follow Sabrina:

https://www.tiktok.com/@sabrina.zohar

https://www.instagram.com/sabrina.zohar

https://www.youtube.com/@Sabrina_zohar

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: Meet Sabrina Zohar
00:00:56 From Fashion to Dating Advice: Sabrina's Origin Story
00:03:27 The Biggest Surprise: People Don't Know Their Own Power
00:04:22 Fuck of the Week: Attachment Styles
00:06:04 Breaking Down the Four Attachment Styles
00:08:39 The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy of Labels
00:10:45 Two Insecure People Can Heal Together
00:12:20 The Texting Boundary That Changed Everything
00:15:00 Stop Self-Identifying With Your Trauma
00:16:12 Dating Apps: Too Many Exits, Not Enough Effort
00:17:26 The Apps Aren't the Problem, You Are
00:20:38 Brilliant or Bullshit: Are Dating Apps Dying?
00:28:03 The Facsimile of Intimacy: Digital Relationships
00:33:17 Chat GPT Is Ruining Human Connection
00:35:00 The Fragility Epidemic: Ghosting and Emotional Safetyism
00:44:24 Audience Question: When Standards Are Too High
00:48:01 Expectations vs Non-Negotiables
00:50:15 The Fear of Communicating Needs
00:53:25 Rejection Is Redirection
00:54:14 Know What You Want: The Life You're Building
00:55:19 Wrap Up and Where to Find Sabrina

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Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

How to Get Out of a Rut, Pain and Boredom, and Knowing When to Quit

Mark Manson — Wed, 30 Oct 2024 17:41:51 -0000

Today, we’re diving deep into the subtle difference between a healthy routine and a rut. How can you tell if your daily grind is keeping you grounded… or just grinding you down?

Next, we tackle the question of boredom: Why does it feel so unbearable, and could we actually be missing out on its hidden perks? Spoiler alert—boredom might just be the key to unlocking your most creative, inspired self.

Finally, we confront one of life’s biggest dilemmas: When is it time to walk away, and when should you double down? Whether it’s a project that’s going nowhere or a relationship that feels like it’s on life support, we’ll give you insights on knowing when to quit and when to stick it out.

Enjoy.

Brilliant or Bullshit Paper: Just think: The challenges of the disengaged mind https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4330241/

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: Am I Becoming a Boring Person?
00:01:11 When Does a Routine Become a Rut?
00:02:53 The Alcohol Factor: Craving Novelty vs. Craving Stability
00:03:41 Fear vs. Optimization: Defining the Difference
00:04:22 The Immanuel Kant Paradox: Genius in Repetition
00:07:07 The Four Stages of Life: From Mimicry to Legacy
00:09:53 Marriage Problems and the Say Yes Strategy
00:13:54 The Seasonality of Chaos: Flipping the Card Green
00:16:44 Is It Brilliant or Bullshit: The Electric Shock Study
00:18:11 Why Boredom Is Actually Painful
00:24:18 Raw Dogging Flights: The New Machismo
00:26:25 Boredom as Competitive Advantage
00:27:44 Q and A: The Rules of Quitting—When to Quit and When to Grit
00:28:54 The Momentum Test: Is Your Rock Going Uphill or Downhill?
00:31:03 The Bukowski Exception: When Outliers Break the Rules
00:31:46 Creative Pursuits vs. Professional Pursuits: Different Equations
00:33:04 The Tim Ferriss Question: Where Does Failure Teach You Most?
00:35:01 Relationships and the Rock Going Downhill
00:37:14 Hard Work Redefined: When 12 Hours Feels Easier Than 4
00:39:25 The Grammy Winner Who Never Felt Burnt Out
00:42:04 Grit Only Works in the Right Direction
00:42:34 Wisdom of the Week: Escalators and the Art of Quitting

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Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

How to Find Your True Path in Life (ft. Robert Greene)

Mark Manson — Wed, 23 Oct 2024 14:00:00 -0000

What are you called to do in life? What is your life’s task? And once you figure that out, how do you pursue it?

The one and only Robert Greene sat down with us on the pod to talk about all of these questions and a whole more.

We discuss finding and pursuing one’s life task, the nature and causes of “Peter Pan Syndrome”, science vs timeless wisdom on life, figuring out what do in midlife after you’ve taken the wrong path, and a much more.

Enjoy.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: Robert Greene in the Flesh
00:00:43 The Resurgence of The 48 Laws of Power
00:05:57 The Dark Side vs. The Real Robert
00:08:11 The Theatrical Nature of Social Life
00:09:22 Finding Your Life's Task: Robert's Journey
00:12:58 Reading the Signs: Positive and Negative Feedback
00:15:10 Persistence vs. Knowing When to Pivot
00:18:00 The Pain You Enjoy: Finding Your True Work
00:21:43 Reconnecting With Your Life's Task
00:25:25 The Five Forms of Intelligence
00:29:13 Brilliant or Bullshit: Peter Pan Syndrome
00:32:00 The Problem With Positive Masculinity
00:37:33 Too Much Talking, Not Enough Acting
00:38:23 Life as a Game: Get Out and Play
00:42:25 Listener Questions: Science vs. Timeless Wisdom
00:44:06 The Problem With Big Data and Algorithms
00:51:09 Starting Over at 35: Building From What You Have
00:57:00 The Midlife Crisis: Is This It?
01:00:37 Finding the Sublime: Robert's Next Book
01:03:26 Closing Thoughts and What's Next

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Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

Keeping the Weight Off, Rewiring Your Brain with Psychedelics, and Finding Strong Male Role Models

Mark Manson — Wed, 16 Oct 2024 14:00:00 -0000

It's hard enough to change, but why it is so hard to maintain that change too? How might psychedelics facilitate big changes in our lives? And how can young men find healthy role models in the modern world?

In this week's pod, we cover my current struggles around keeping a healthy diet and lifestyle, how psychedelics might actually scramble your brain (in a good way), and why so many young men are struggling to find a place in the world today.

Enjoy.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: Men's Groups and the Weight Struggle
00:01:07 The Two Levels of Failure: Emotion vs. Narrative
00:02:33 Mark's Personal Weight Journey: Five Years and 60 Pounds
00:03:43 The Training Wheels Come Off: Old Habits Creeping Back
00:05:29 Food Addiction: The One Area That Won't Quit
00:07:13 Relapses Are Part of Recovery: Brandon Novak and the Process
00:13:20 Brilliance or Bullshit: Psychedelics and Brain Rewiring
00:15:32 Neuroplasticity and the Promise of Psychedelics
00:18:12 Psychedelics as Tools: Set, Setting, and Intention Matter
00:22:04 The Dark Side: When Psychedelics Make You Believe Everything
00:24:33 Audience Question: Growing Up Without a Father Figure
00:26:01 The Male Role: Be Useful and Add Value
00:28:08 Men Are Disposable: Make Yourself Indispensable
00:29:54 The Absent Father Crisis and Its Consequences
00:33:26 Finding Role Models Online: Navigating the Manosphere
00:34:55 The Andrew Tate Test: Turn Off the Sound and Watch Their Face
00:37:26 Wisdom of the Week: The Buddha on Self-Conquest
00:37:39 Closing Thoughts and How to Reach the Show

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How to Beat Distraction and Still Enjoy Life (ft. Nir Eyal)

Mark Manson — Wed, 09 Oct 2024 14:00:00 -0000

Why can’t we just do the things we know we should do? It’s a simple question with a very complex answer.

To help us answer it, I sat down with my old friend, Nir Eyal, a behavioral design expert and author of the best-selling book, Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life.

I love Nir’s approach because he doesn’t linger on the surface of the problem of distraction by hocking the latest app or hack or fancy new time management method. Instead, he dives right into the thorny emotional realities we all face in trying to lead productive, meaningful lives.

In this episode, we talk about what it means to be “indistractable” and how it’s probably the most important skill of the 21st century. We also get Nir’s take on the role of social media in our lives (his views on this might surprise you). And finally, he answers that timeless question: Why don’t we just do what we know we should do?

Enjoy.

About Nir Eyal

Nir Eyal writes, consults, and teaches about the intersection of psychology, technology, and business. Nir previously taught as a Lecturer in Marketing at the Stanford Graduate School of Business and the Hasso Plattner Institute of Design at Stanford.

He is the author of two bestselling books, Hooked: How to Build Habit-Forming Products, and Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life. His books have resonated with readers worldwide, selling over 1 million copies in over 30 languages.

Nir’s book, Indistractable: http://geni.us/indistractable

Nir on time boxing: https://www.nirandfar.com/timeboxing/

Nir on values: https://www.nirandfar.com/common-values/

Nir’s free schedule maker: https://www.nirandfar.com/schedule-maker/

More articles by Nir: https://www.nirandfar.com/best-articles/

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: The Writing Partnership That Solved Distraction
00:02:32 What Is Indistractable? The Skill of the Century
00:05:32 Traction vs. Distraction: The Power of Intent
00:08:41 Internal Triggers: The Real Source of 90% of Distractions
00:10:24 Self-Awareness and the Path to Mastering Internal Triggers
00:12:22 Everything You Do Is About Escaping Discomfort
00:14:18 Why We Can't Sit Still: The Evolutionary Purpose of Boredom
00:16:10 The Goldilocks Zone of Pain and the Recipe for Burnout
00:18:27 Make Time for Traction: Why You Can't Call Something a Distraction
00:19:56 Time Boxing vs. To-Do Lists: The Productivity Debate
00:22:00 Brilliant or Bullshit: The Social Dilemma Documentary
00:22:58 The Social Media Debate: It's All Media, Not Just Social Media
00:29:47 The Three Psychological Nutrients Kids Are Missing
00:32:01 The Real Culprits: Standardized Testing, Hyper-Scheduling, and Lost Play
00:34:14 Video Games as Protection and the Myth of Stranger Danger
00:38:19 Legacy Media vs. New Media: Who's Really Causing Division?
00:42:37 Audience Question: How Do I Do What I Know I Should Do?
00:43:43 The Four Strategies in Action: From Internal Triggers to Pacts
00:45:06 The Right Metric of Success: Did I Work Without Distraction?
00:47:05 Mark's Struggle: Time Boxing vs. Word Count Goals
00:49:34 Be a Scientist, Not a Drill Sergeant: Flexibility in Time Boxing
00:52:14 Productivity Is Personal: Finding Your Optimal Tools
00:53:43 The Problem with Habits and Flow: Not Everything Can Be Easy
00:56:37 The 10-Minute Rule: Surfing the Urge to Distraction
00:59:03 Wisdom of the Week: The Cure for Boredom and Repeated Mistakes

Follow Nir on social media:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/nireyal/

https://www.youtube.com/user/nirandfar

https://twitter.com/nireyal

https://www.facebook.com/nirandfar/

http://instagram.com/neyal99

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Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

How TikTok Ruined Politics (And Your Sex Life)

Mark Manson — Wed, 02 Oct 2024 14:00:00 -0000

How many f*cks should we give about politics? What’s driving the widening ideological gap between young men and women? And is the world truly and utterly f*cked beyond all recognition?

In this episode, we talk politics without really talking politics. We cover how to stay up-to-date on current events without going insane, what history can teach us about the present, the real downside to TikTok’s invasion of—well, everything—and why there is still reason to hold out hope, even when it seems like the world is going straight to hell.

Check it out.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: Election Fatigue and the Fuck of the Week
00:02:08 Why the Person Matters Less Than the Party
00:05:39 The Local vs. Global Problem: Where Your Attention Should Go
00:08:17 Bad News Finds You, Good News Requires Effort
00:11:43 The Marketing Machine Behind Political Narratives
00:15:25 Brilliant or Bullshit: The Gender Political Divide
00:17:14 TikTok's For You Feed and the Psychograph Revolution
00:25:41 The Service Economy and the End of Men
00:30:33 Political Polarization as the New Bigotry
00:33:04 Q&A: Are We Numb to Tragedy?
00:35:12 Why News Makes You Less Informed
00:37:19 Read History, Not Headlines: The Pandemic Example
00:41:34 News Recommendations and Finding Apolitical Sources
00:47:04 Wisdom of the Week: Nothing Is New Under the Sun

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Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

When to Cut Off Your Parents, Mastering Conflict, and Why a Crazy Family Can Make You a Better Person

Mark Manson — Wed, 25 Sep 2024 14:00:00 -0000

Cutting off bad or toxic parents is all the rage in some pockets of the internet these days—but have we lowered the bar a little too much for what makes a parent “toxic”? How can we navigate and own up to the hard conversations we need to have with the people closest to us? And is there a silver lining for putting up with family members who drive us absolutely f*cking insane?

Join us on today’s pod as we get a little squirmy in our chairs while we tackle these issues. Drew squashes some beefs, Mark sniffs out some of the bullshit around cutting people off, and we answer one of your questions about dealing with those crazy people you just can’t get away from: your family.

Enjoy.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: The Art of Difficult Conversations
00:01:36 The Sibling Beef: When Shared History Divides
00:03:42 Different Childhoods Under the Same Roof
00:06:17 The Go First Principle: How to Start Hard Conversations
00:09:14 When Speaking Up Makes Things Worse
00:10:46 The Strategic Value of Picking Fights When You're Young
00:13:35 Building Trust Through Confrontation
00:14:29 Family Versus Friends: Why Stakes Change Everything
00:16:19 The Intimacy-Conflict Paradox
00:18:03 The Addiction to Confrontation
00:21:08 Brilliant or Bullshit: Cutting Off Your Parents
00:22:50 The Last Resort Standard: When to Actually Cut Contact
00:23:49 Managing Exposure: The Middle Ground Nobody Talks About
00:26:23 Concept Creep: When Everyone's a Narcissist
00:29:50 The Value of Friction: What We Lost by Living Apart
00:31:13 The Cutting Off Epidemic: Friends, Not Just Family
00:32:27 When Annoying Becomes Friendship
00:34:18 Toxic Versus a Toxic Moment
00:36:42 Reader Question: Breaking Free Without Abandoning Family
00:37:38 You Can't Save Your Family
00:46:43 The Fantasy of Being the Savior
00:40:53 When Success Makes You the Enemy
00:43:27 The Threat to Identity
00:45:03 Dealing with Familial Guilt
00:49:47 The Small Town Mentality: Don't Get Too Big
00:53:14 Wisdom of the Week: Tolstoy on Unhappy Families

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How to Be a Great Friend, Para-Social Relationships, and Why You Shouldn't Die Alone

Mark Manson — Wed, 18 Sep 2024 14:00:00 -0000

The quality of your life often comes down to the quality of the relationships you have. That’s why we’re giving a huge f*ck about friendship this week.

While the benefits of having good friends are pretty obvious, the cost of maintaining friendships is often overlooked by a lot of people. We dive into that, plus some advice on when you should and shouldn’t cut off people in your life, and how friends and romantic partners really impact our happiness.

Check it out.

Here’s the paper we discuss:People perceive parasocial relationships to be effective at fulfilling emotional needs

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Mark’s Halloween Costume
00:01:34 The F*ck of the Week: How to Be a Better Friend
00:20:48 Brilliant or Bullsh*t: Cutting Off Parents, Family, or Friends
00:36:01 Q&A: Can You Be Happy Without Close Friends? Romantic Partners?

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Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.

Self-Help Junkies, Stupid Experts, and the Worst Life Advice I've Ever Heard

Mark Manson — Wed, 11 Sep 2024 14:00:00 -0000

Are you addicted to self-improvement? Are experts really any better than the rest of us at knowing how to make positive changes in our lives? What are some common pieces of life advice that just don't seem to work?

Drew and I tackle all of these questions today in our brand new, updated format for the pod. Find out why self-help can turn into pseudo-religion (and why we should bring back exorcisms), whether or not a huge mega-study by a bunch of fancy experts can tell us anything about behavioral change, and some common self-improvement tropes that just don't do it for us.

Here's the study we discuss: Megastudies improve the impact of appliedbehavioural science

Let us know what you think of the new show format in the comments below.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 New show format
00:03:15 The F*ck of the Week: When self-improvement turns into addiction (or a cult)
00:17:06 Brilliant or Bullshit? Do experts actually know what they're talking about?
00:31:13 Your Questions Answered: Life advice that doesn't work?

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Theme song is "Icarus Lives" by Periphery.

What It Really Takes to Accomplish Your Dreams (ft. Steven Pressfield)

Mark Manson — Wed, 28 Aug 2024 14:00:00 -0000

Steven Pressfield was 52 years old when he published his first hit novel, The Legend of Bagger Vance. Prior to that, he wrote tirelessly for decades in obscurity, supporting himself with odd jobs along the way.

After writing several more novels and movie scripts, he distilled all of his wisdom into The War of Art, his now-famous treatise on the grinding process of creativity.

Now in his 80s, Steven looks back on his work and life with a clear-eyed view of what it truly means to make it as a creative professional. In this episode, he explains why he persisted writing for decades with little to show for it, how he compensated for his own lack of talent, why creating great art is actually a grueling war fought within the artist’s own mind, and much, much more.

Enjoy.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:02:13 Persisting at writing... for decades
00:06:40 The Resistance
00:14:23 Patience when facing The Resistance
00:22:12 Is The Resistance actually a good thing?
00:26:52 Turning Pro
00:32:22 How much do hard work, skill, and talent matter?
00:40:48 Does great art require suffering?
00:44:57 How Steven's military experience influences his work
00:49:52 Honoring your muse
00:56:04 What writers can learn from advertising
00:58:08 The Daily Pressfield

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5 Ways to Be Self-Disciplined Without Making Yourself Miserable

Mark Manson — Wed, 21 Aug 2024 14:00:00 -0000

We often think self-discipline requires massive action and a lot of pain and sacrifice—but the reality is a lot more boring. Today, we tackle some common misconceptions about self-discipline, arguing that real change comes from setting up your environment for success, not grinding through endless struggle.

We explore the hidden dangers of romanticizing pain and why true self-discipline is more about boring consistency than epic feats of endurance. Hopefully, this episode challenges you to rethink how you approach your goals and habits. If you're ready to stop punishing yourself and start seeing real, lasting change, you won’t want to miss this.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:03:11 Self-discipline is not the same as willpower
00:09:45 Self-discipline does not involve shaming yourself
00:15:39 Self-discipline is about self correction, not perfection"
00:22:16 Self-discipline is boring
00:29:18 Self-discipline involves forging new identities"

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Bonus Q&A: Facing Regrets, Hustle Culture, Living with ADHD, and More

Mark Manson — Fri, 16 Aug 2024 14:00:00 -0000

It’s bonus episode time! Today, I’m doing a Q&A with questions you’ve all submitted. We dive into how I’ve changed my mind, bad habits, regrets, dead dreams, advice to young people, meditation, and a whole lot more.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: Tackling 1,200 Unanswered Questions
00:00:29 What I've Changed My Mind About: The Prevalence Inflation Hypothesis
00:02:35 Breaking Bad Habits: The Dark Valley Between Days 5 and 25
00:05:29 Dealing With Fame and Follower Counts
00:05:58 Biggest Regrets: Health, Relationships, and Being a Dick in Your 20s
00:08:08 Positive Thinking vs. Realistic Thinking: Clearing Up the Paradox
00:10:47 Parental Emotional Immaturity and Its Massive Effects
00:12:08 Relationship Advice: Marriage Is Underrated and Dating Culture Is Getting Worse
00:15:19 Would You Change Your Books? Subtle Art and Everything Is F*cked Reflections
00:16:21 Do You Still Want to Be a Rock Star? When Old Dreams Die
00:17:09 Free Will, David Goggins, and Measuring Success After Financial Freedom
00:20:40 Why the Hair? Premature Hair Envy Explained
00:21:36 Handling Grief: Losing a Brother to Depression and Addiction
00:23:40 What Do You Think About the Universe? A Cosmic Rant
00:26:41 Sexual Experience, Relationship Readiness, and Playing the Long Game
00:29:38 Advice for Teenagers: More Face-to-Face Socializing
00:30:57 Dealing With Adversity: When to Persist and When to Give Up
00:34:06 Moving On From a 24-Year Relationship and the BetterHelp Controversy
00:37:53 Meditation, Christianity, and the Best Business Advice: Be the Goose
00:40:09 Hustle Culture: It's a Skill, Not a Lifestyle
00:43:05 Living With ADHD: Caffeine, Meditation, and Doing Two Things at Once
00:46:45 Edgelord Maximus: A Gladiator-Style Sign-Off

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How To Be Successful in a World That Wasn’t Built for You (ft. Astronaut Cady Coleman)

Mark Manson — Wed, 14 Aug 2024 14:00:00 -0000

How do you find your way in a world where even when you do everything right, the odds keep getting stacked against you? My guest today, Cady Coleman, shares how she navigated the male-dominated fields of science, the Air Force, and NASA, breaking down barriers with tenacity and grace.

From her time on the International Space Station to the release of her first book, Sharing Space, Cady’s story is a powerful reminder of the importance of mission, adaptability, and the unwavering belief in one’s potential, even when the world around you says otherwise.

Check it out.

Cady’s Book, Sharing Space: https://www.amazon.com/Sharing-Space-Astronauts-Mission-Wonder/dp/0593494016

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:01:46 Becoming an astronaut
00:05:56 Spacewalking
00:11:22 On being underestimated
00:14:28 Life's missions, big and small
00:16:19 Life on the International Space Station
00:22:18 A new way of looking at the world
00:29:41 Do astronauts feel more connected to the world?
00:32:43 How do you live in space with other people?
00:41:28 Coming back down
00:51:51 The state of the space program

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6 Ways to Stop Giving a F*ck

Mark Manson — Wed, 07 Aug 2024 14:00:00 -0000

We all wish we gave fewer f*cks in our lives, but wanting to and doing it are two different things. If you've read my book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, then you know that not giving a f*ck doesn't mean you don't care about anything—it means deliberately choosing what you give a f*ck about and ignore the rest.

In this episode, we dive into the realities of not giving f*ck, the good and the bad. We talk about why there will never be a time when you're completely free from judgement by others. Why being "normal"—whatever that means—is not something to aspire to, nor is wanting to be liked by everyone. How criticism is a part of life you can't escape—but not all criticism is created equal. And a whole lot more.

Check it out.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Mark goes to Europe and previews upcoming videos
00:05:10 If you wouldn't ask them for advice, then f*ck their criticism.
00:13:20 People will judge your for whatever you do or don't do. F*ck the people, do the thing.
00:22:55 To be liked by all is to be loved by none.
00:28:44 F*ck being normal.
00:37:30 Your vanity and anxiety are both liars.
00:42:42 You must give a f*ck about something more than the adversity you face.

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It's Never Too Late to Turn Your Life Around (ft. Brandon Novak)

Mark Manson — Wed, 31 Jul 2024 14:00:00 -0000

Brandon Novak showed all the signs of becoming a highly successful, rebellious young man. He was a professional skateboarder in his early teens, rubbing elbows with the likes of Bucky Lasek and Tony Hawk. In his late teens and twenties, he was a regular on world-famous TV shows like Viva La Bam and Jackass.

But drugs and alcohol were always lurking in the shadows for Novak, and he soon fell head-first into the dark trap of his addictions. He endured bouts of homelessness, committed every petty crime you could imagine, and even resorted to sex work to feed his addictions.

The stats would suggest Brandon Novak shouldn’t be sober right now. He probably shouldn’t even be alive. But not only is he alive with 9 years of sobriety under his belt, he’s found a deep and meaningful purpose in his life, running his own rehab centers and taking care of his elderly mother.

This is the hilarious and heartening story of how Brandon Novak turned it all around. And trust me, if he can do it, so can anyone else.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:05:25 What is it like reliving crazy stories?
00:07:46 What's your new definition of fun?
00:22:32 Brandon's early life
00:28:22 When did drugs really become a problem?
00:34:23 Why did rehab #13 work?
00:42:57 How can people help addicts?
00:44:31 Christopher F*cking Columbus of finding rock bottom
00:46:03 The fundamental unhealthy mindsets
00:52:31 Reflection on Jackass
00:56:48 Why Jackass couldn't be made today
01:00:46 Are addicts just trying to get the love they want?
01:06:26 Brandon's treatment centers
01:12:10 What people did for Novak along the way
01:14:13 What do you give too many fucks about?
01:17:26 What do you give too few fucks about?

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The Backwards Law: How to Get More by Doing Less

Mark Manson — Wed, 24 Jul 2024 14:00:00 -0000

There are certain areas in life where trying harder only makes things worse. Trying to prove how likable and confident you are only makes you feel more unlikable and less confident. Trying to make someone love you only makes you feel more unlovable.

The solution to this conundrum is what’s known as “The Backwards Law”.

Simply put, The Backwards law states that desiring a positive experience is itself a negative experience, while accepting a negative experience is a positive experience.

In this episode, Drew and I talk about five areas of life where doing less can actually reap massive benefits.

Enjoy.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 The Backwards Law: When Trying Makes Things Worse
00:02:00 Three Curves: How Effort and Reward Actually Work
00:06:02 Emotions: The Anxiety About Your Anxiety
00:10:15 Freedom: Why Commitment Sets You Free
00:11:08 Depth vs. Breadth: The Two Types of Freedom
00:19:07 Happiness Requires Struggle: Why Comfort Doesn't Work
00:23:37 Love: When It Becomes Dangerous
00:29:30 Respect: The Foundation of All Healthy Relationships
00:32:43 What Respect Actually Means: Time, Attention, and Equality
00:35:40 Why Internal States Don't Follow External Rules

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Is Social Media Really Ruining Our Lives… Or Is It Something Else? (ft. Jonathan Haidt)

Mark Manson — Wed, 17 Jul 2024 14:00:00 -0000

Is everything going to hell in a handcart because of smartphones and social media? In this episode, I sit down with NYU professor and bestselling author Jonathan Haidt to tackle this burning question.

Dr. Haidt makes a compelling case that our addiction to these devices is wreaking havoc on society, from mental health crises to political turmoil. But is it really all the smartphone’s fault? I'm not so sure it's quite that simple, so I wanted to dive deeper into the nuances.

We get into the nitty-gritty and I challenge some of Haidt’s claims, exploring questions like, why do these issues seem to hit the English-speaking world the hardest? Is this another moral panic, or is this time really different? We also discuss the differences in how smartphones affect various demographics and cultures, and why understanding these distinctions is crucial. Plus, we explore Jonathan’s practical and highly sensible recommendations for parents, educators, and policymakers.

Whether you’re a skeptic or a die-hard believer, this episode will make you rethink your relationship with the technology in our pockets.

Let's do this.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: Is It All the Smartphone's Fault?
00:04:00 The Great Rewiring of Childhood (2010-2015)
00:08:07 Why This Isn't Just Another Moral Panic
00:20:15 The Psychological Importance of Play
00:22:54 Educational Development vs. Psychological Development
00:25:48 Why Girls and Boys Are Affected Differently
00:27:59 Politics, Religion, and Who Gets Hit Hardest
00:31:31 The Moral Foundations Theory Connection
00:40:52 Why the Anglosphere Is Suffering Most
00:45:14 The Global Destruction of Human Capital
00:59:19 From Social Networks to Attention Slot Machines
01:05:09 TikTok and the Short-Form Video Catastrophe
00:51:47 Cigarettes vs. Alcohol: What Kind of Problem Is This?
00:53:56 The Case for Warning Labels and Age Gating
01:09:45 Prescription 1: No Phones in Schools
01:12:10 Prescription 2: No Social Media Before 16
01:16:20 Prescription 3: No Smartphones Before High School
01:19:03 Prescription 4: More Outdoor Play and Independence
01:22:00 Overcoming Community Judgment and Policy Solutions
01:25:29 The Path Forward: Identity Authentication and Collective Action

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How I Lost 60 Pounds and Started Giving A F*ck About My Health

Mark Manson — Wed, 10 Jul 2024 14:00:00 -0000

Over the past 5 years, I’ve completely changed my relationship to my health. Prior to that, I was overweight, pre-diabetic, and having chest pains in my mid-30s. I thought maybe eating a salad once a week and going for a run every now then would take care of it. I was wrong.

Since then, I’ve lost 60 pounds (~30kg). I now enjoy exercising regularly and I eat healthy and nutritious foods. My daily life is much more physically active and I get way better sleep. I’m happy with my health now—but it took a long time to get here.

I’m not going to share a bunch of workout routines or complicated diets. What worked for me might not work for you. But I can share what I went through to get here in the hopes that you, too, might change how you think about your health and take it more seriously. Because at the end of the day, your health is definitely something you should give a f*ck about.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: The 60-Pound Journey and Why I'm Sharing This
00:02:40 Growing Up on the Standard American Diet
00:04:04 The Metabolism Crash: Gaining 50 Pounds in My Mid-30s
00:05:12 Chest Pains and the Doctor's Warning: You're a Ticking Time Bomb
00:06:55 Phase One: The Classic Approach and the First Plateau
00:08:45 The Delusion Problem: Why I Kept Lying to Myself
00:13:03 Hiring a Coach and the Game-Changing Power of Tracking
00:17:58 The Devastating Rebound: Gaining It All Back
00:20:32 Environment Is Everything: The Move to LA
00:25:53 The Genetic Revelation: You're Metabolically 60 Years Old
00:31:07 Breaking Through Plateaus: The Role of Coaching and Perspective
00:33:40 The Privilege Problem: Let's Talk About Access and Cost
00:34:37 Genetics, Sympathy, and the Addiction Parallel
00:38:47 The Virtuous Cycle: Optimizing for Longevity in My 40s
00:40:40 The Real Takeaway: It's About Habits, Lifestyle, Biology, and Psychology

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Life-Changing Insights From Traveling To Every Country In The World (ft. Drew Binsky)

Mark Manson — Wed, 03 Jul 2024 14:00:00 -0000

Drew Binsky is a fearless traveler who's seen it all. From chatting with North Koreans in their homeland to dodging bombings in Somalia and volunteering in Syria in the middle of a civil war, Drew's adventures are nothing short of incredible. He's been to every country in the world, witnessing the most dangerous places and surviving a few close calls. Yet, his experiences have led him to a surprising conclusion: most people, most of the time, are good. Even in the direst circumstances, Drew finds that human resilience can prevail.

In our conversation, Drew shares why he's drawn to war zones and failed states, revealing the profound lessons he's learned from them. We discuss why you should never judge a country by the news you hear about it, how the most impactful trips are often the most challenging, and where to find the friendliest people on Earth. Drew also offers his top travel tips on spontaneity, connecting with locals, and what he looks for on his travel adventures. It's a deep dive into the heart of travel and human nature that might just inspire you to see the world a little differently.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: The Man Who Visited Every Country
00:02:23 What's Actually Universal Across All Cultures
00:06:06 Inside North Korea: Tennis Invitations and Empty Hotels
00:09:06 How to Stay Safe in Dangerous Places
00:13:13 Syria During the War: Volunteering Among the Rubble
00:16:11 The Media Disconnect: Afghanistan, Iran, and Misunderstood Places
00:18:26 El Salvador, Brazil's Favelas, and the Safety Paradox
00:21:27 Living Abroad: The Best Education You Can Get
00:25:13 India: The Most Transformative Trip
00:27:14 The Extremes of India: Beauty and Horror on the Same Street
00:29:44 The Adrenaline Gene: Why Drew Doesn't Feel Fear
00:30:44 Mogadishu: The Most Dangerous City in the World
00:32:43 Mark's Close Call in Cartagena
00:37:21 Overrated or Underrated: Government, Culture, and War
00:43:45 The Best and Worst Thing About Every Country
00:41:18 Family Culture: The American Independence Paradox
00:47:40 The Quality of Information Crisis
00:50:39 What's Next and Finding Your Golf
00:55:56 Final Thoughts: The Value of Underserved Stories

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How to Know When to Give Up on Goals

Mark Manson — Wed, 26 Jun 2024 14:00:00 -0000

A lot of people treat goals like some kind of sacred self-improvement law, where the most important thing you can do is set and achieve your goals.

But goals are simply tools we use to point us in the right direction. Your goals should serve you—and so you shouldn’t be a slave to some arbitrary goal you set when it’s no longer serving you. So how do you know when a goal is no longer pushing you in the right direction?

In this episode, I talk about why I gave up a pretty big goal I set at the beginning of the year. I discuss what I think are the criteria you should use when deciding whether to give up on a goal or stick it out.

We also discuss what we learned from the goals survey we did for podcast viewers and listeners. How many stuck with their goals and how many have moved on? What are the most effective tactics people used to stick to their goals? What are the most important lessons they learned about their goals and themselves?

Check it out.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:01:13 Mark's (failed) goal
00:05:11 Is Mark full of sh*t?
00:08:14 Drew's (half sucessful) goal
00:12:08 Extreme measures
00:14:08 Getting more specific with your goals
00:16:40 Survey results
00:18:55 Teachable moment: Selection bias
00:23:06 How did people stick with their goals?
00:24:49 The value of self-discovery in working towards goals
00:32:57 3 good reasons to give up on a goal
00:37:00 Bonus reason to give up a goal
00:39:34 Mark's new health goals
00:41:53 Drew's updated goals

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How to Become Resilient and Break World Records (ft. Dean Stott)

Mark Manson — Wed, 19 Jun 2024 14:00:00 -0000

After a catastrophic parachuting accident ended his military career in the British special forces, Dean Stott couldn't just retire to a quiet life. Instead, he decided to shatter boundaries in entirely new fields.

These days, when Dean isn't prepping to beat another world record, like a 14,000-mile bike ride in less than 100 days, he's jet-setting around the world rescuing civilians and diplomats alike from war zones.

In this episode, Dean shares his unique approach to overcoming adversity, managing risk, and staying mentally tough in the most challenging situations. We explore his fascinating experiences from war-torn countries to royal security and the psychological benefits of meticulous planning and mission-driven thinking. Dean also offers a glimpse into how he balances extreme challenges with a grounded personal life.

Enjoy.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: The Baddest Motherfucker I've Ever Met
00:03:40 Dean's Relationship to Pain and the Parachuting Incident
00:08:04 Breaking the Pan-American Highway World Record
00:12:18 Mortality, Risk, and Making Smart Decisions
00:16:18 The Canadian Embassy Evacuation and Understanding Local Cultures
00:20:01 Building Trust in Dangerous Places
00:22:17 Choosing the Harder Path and Becoming SBS
00:25:47 What the Military Teaches That Civilians Miss
00:30:53 Preparation, Perfectionism, and OCD
00:33:24 Dealing With Extremes and Training Two Up
00:37:57 The Power of Non-Judgment and Making Friends Anywhere
00:39:46 Alana: Partnership, Purpose, and Power Couple Dynamics
00:46:56 The Duty to Give Back and How to Ask for Money
00:48:03 Meeting Prince Harry and Fox Piss One
00:52:31 The Skill of Being Famous and the Burden of Duty
00:59:02 Toughest Forces on Earth and Still Got It
01:02:51 Ocean Rowing the West Coast and Taking Alana Out of Her Comfort Zone

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The Blue Dot Effect: Why Things Always Seem Worse Than They Are

Mark Manson — Wed, 12 Jun 2024 14:00:00 -0000

Have you ever wondered why, despite everything seemingly going well, you still feel a nagging sense of dissatisfaction? Well, you’re not alone. This is actually a fascinating psychological phenomenon I call "The Blue Dot Effect". It’s all about how our brains can trick us into seeing problems and negativity even when everything around us is getting better.

Join me and Drew as we unpack this curious effect and explore how it impacts our everyday lives. From the way we perceive our personal achievements to our overall happiness, the Blue Dot Effect plays a sneaky role in shaping our mindset.

Let's dig right in.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: Why This Research Changes Everything
00:02:08 The Blue Dot Effect: The Original Study Explained
00:04:56 Why Your Mind Invents Problems When Life Gets Better
00:07:25 Crime, Safety, and the Paradox of Progress
00:08:46 The Media Negativity Bias and Information Overload
00:09:35 Living in New Zealand: When There's Nothing to Protest
00:11:58 The Psychological Immune System and Problem Homeostasis
00:13:51 Why We Need People Who've Seen Real Hardship
00:16:18 How the Internet Compresses the Blue Dot Effect
00:17:05 The Information Diet: Why Consuming Less News Makes You More Objective
00:19:41 Economic Perception vs Reality: Why Nobody's Happy Despite Growth
00:21:28 Personal Health and Fitness: Moving the Goalposts on Yourself
00:23:59 When Self-Improvement Becomes the Problem
00:28:36 Mental Health Diagnosis: ADHD, Trauma, and Definition Creep
00:32:17 The Value of Journaling: Creating a Reality Check Against Concept Drift
00:34:50 Reading History Instead of News: The Ultimate Perspective Shift
00:35:57 Progress Tends to Mask Itself: Dan Gilbert's Final Word

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The Harsh Truth About Self-Discipline (ft. Rich Roll)

Mark Manson — Wed, 05 Jun 2024 14:00:00 -0000

I’ve often wondered if self-discipline is just a way of turning bad addictions into healthy ones. After all, addictions of all kinds are really just an attempt to numb and distract ourselves from facing uncomfortable feelings. Can’t the same be said for healthy behaviors once they reach a level of compulsion?

I brought Rich Roll on the pod to discuss this idea because, well, he’s a recovered alcoholic who turned into an ultra-endurance athlete in his 40s. Rich is no stranger to reinventing himself, repeatedly leveraging his flaws into virtues.

We talk about the value of pain as a catalyst for change, the idea that addiction is a spectrum that doesn’t just involve substances, terrible breakups, finding a deeper spirituality, lessons from Rich’s financial struggles, his career running a top podcast, and much, much more.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: Is Self-Discipline Just Healthy Addiction?
00:04:23 The Connection Between Addiction and Ultra-Endurance
00:08:49 Pain as Teacher: Confronting Discomfort
00:21:24 What We're Most Addicted To Right Now
00:13:14 When Willingness Finally Arrives: Rich's Rock Bottom
00:29:07 Why the 12-Step Program Works After 100 Years
00:39:38 The Wedding That Nearly Destroyed Him
00:46:36 Spirituality Without Religion: Defining the Mystical Beyond
00:50:55 The Physical as Vehicle for the Spiritual
01:05:53 Seven Years of Financial Hell: Trash Cans, Repo Men, and Faith
01:15:51 Starting a Podcast in a Yurt: The Origin Story
01:22:01 The Power of Vulnerability: Why Sharing Shame Sets You Free
01:26:42 What Rich Gives Too Many, Too Few, and Just the Right Amount of Fucks About

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5 Ways to Hack Your Mind For Success

Mark Manson — Wed, 29 May 2024 14:00:00 -0000

The way you think about the world and your place in it can have a huge impact on your life. And yet, when it comes to evaluating the way we think, we’re rarely able to smell our own bullshit.

So today, Drew and I break down five different mindsets you can adopt to live a more examined, successful life. This requires you to reject many of the mindless beliefs you’ve been force fed your entire life.

Let’s do it.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: The Success Hack Problem
00:01:22 Find the Pain You Enjoy
00:04:14 Ass Power and the Dogs That Don't Quit
00:05:57 Mark's Cross Country Disaster: An Obliviousness Advantage
00:09:16 Focus on What You Can Control and Ignore What You Can't
00:14:09 Media Consumption, Bad Netflix Shows, and Personal Responsibility
00:16:13 Can You Choose Who You Love?
00:20:21 Turn Off the Autopilot
00:24:21 The Costanza Theorem: Do the Opposite
00:26:42 Adopt a 10X Mindset
00:30:20 10X in Relationships: Don't Run Your Love Life Like a Business
00:34:35 Focus on Fewer Things for Longer Periods of Time
00:42:31 Wrap-Up: Still Not Successful

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How Modern Dating Became Such a Dumpster Fire (ft. Sadia Khan)

Mark Manson — Wed, 22 May 2024 14:40:49 -0000

Let's be honest: the modern dating landscape is a shit show. From declining marriage rates and rising infidelity to the nightmare of using dating apps—it's brutal out there.

With all these supposedly "easy" ways to meet new people, why are the people who want long-term, stable relationships so fed up with the dating world?

I invited dating and relationships coach Sadia Khan on the pod to discuss how the skills we use to excel in modern dating often sabotage long-term happiness.

Sadia brings a refreshing, thought-provoking perspective to the conversation that will help you navigate the complexities of today's dating world. We dive into the role of self-esteem in successful relationships, the pitfalls of modern dating advice, and the skewed expectations shaped by social media, dating apps, and pornography.

Enjoy.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: When Dating Advice Became a Dumpster Fire
00:04:36 Modern Dating Is Training You for Divorce
00:05:33 Social Media, Porn, and the Extrinsic Values Trap
00:10:42 Why Dating Apps Prime You for the Wrong Things
00:17:46 The Humanization Problem: When Men See Women as Vaginas
00:14:20 Why Opposite-Gender Friendships Are Essential
00:28:12 The Glory Hole Revelation and Male Impulse Slavery
00:29:47 Sexual Arousal vs. Real Life: Separating the Realms
00:22:54 When Men Get Stuck at 16: Status, Insecurity, and the 19-Year-Old Trap
00:24:16 Beauty vs. Sexual Attractiveness: The Distinction Men Miss
00:37:49 The Worst Women's Dating Advice: The Narcissism Epidemic
00:40:10 Why Women's Dating Advice Overprotects Feelings
00:41:23 The Instagram Picture Double Standard
00:43:00 The Curse of High Expectations and Unrealistic Checklists
00:45:41 Settling Isn't Failure: It's Where Intimacy Lives
00:47:18 Self-Esteem and Love: Why Low Self-Esteem Ruins Both Giving and Receiving
00:48:53 How to Know You Have Relationship Self-Esteem
00:50:22 Peace vs. Denial: Earning Stability Through Difficult Conversations
00:51:11 Boundaries: Instructions for Love, Not Ultimatums
00:56:05 Learning Each Other: The Joy of Long-Term Intimacy
00:57:15 Deprioritize Sex: The Message Young Men Need to Hear
01:00:05 Charisma, Insecurity, and the 55-Year-Old with the Escort

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5 Ugly Truths That Make Life Beautiful

Mark Manson — Wed, 15 May 2024 14:00:00 -0000

So many people seem to be obsessed with feeling good all the time. They’re always looking for “hacks” to an easier, happier life. But what if the easy way actually makes it harder to have a life full of meaning and purpose?

Today, Drew and I take on the ugly truths that give life its beauty. Some of these might be a little hard to stomach at first. But if you see them through, you might be surprised at what’s on the other side.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Beauty Is Pain: The French Philosophy of Suffering
00:01:22 Choose Your Suffering: The Path to Meaning
00:03:42 The Columbia Protest Paradox: When You Don't Realize What You Chose
00:05:26 The Price of Being Public: Criticism, Hate, and Thick Skin
00:12:13 Post-Traumatic Growth: The Research Nobody Talks About
00:15:16 Maya Angelou's Pencil: Channeling Trauma Into Greatness
00:18:32 Evil People Don't Think They're Evil: The David Foster Wallace Insight
00:22:14 The Manosphere Trap: When Self-Help Becomes a Black Hole
00:24:21 Death Casts the Shadow: Why Mortality Gives Life Meaning
00:33:57 The Sailboat That Never Sailed: Don't Wait for Someday
00:35:48 You Do Not Exist: The Buddhist Concept of No-Self
00:39:54 I Am Avoidant vs. I Feel Avoidant: The Language That Changes Everything

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How to go from Boring to Extraordinary (ft. Codie Sanchez)

Mark Manson — Wed, 08 May 2024 14:00:00 -0000

In an era where “quiet quitting” and “self-care” obsessions seem to be all the rage, there’s a huge opportunity to set yourself apart from everyone else—and it’s not as hard as you might think.

Codie Sanchez set herself apart by buying “boring businesses” and turning her venture into a multi-million dollar enterprise.

But for Codie, it’s about so much more than the money. Her simple mantra is, “question everything”, and it has given her a unique perspective on life, relationships, and happiness, which we explore here in this week’s pod.

This was a fun interview, check it out.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: The Best Time in History to Be a High Performer
00:04:04 Why Cody Started Writing and the Trojan Horse of Money
00:07:25 Leaving Everything on the Field: What Drives High Performers
00:09:22 The Drawbacks of Drive and Finding What's Worth Pursuing
00:13:12 From the Border to Goldman Sachs: Money as the Great Equalizer
00:15:14 Learning the Language of Money and Going Direct to People
00:17:37 Mark's Journey: Loving the Scrappy Struggle
00:20:25 The Hedonic Treadmill and Playing the Game You Love
00:21:37 When Did We Decide Work Couldn't Be Fun?
00:25:12 The Work Hours Myth and Redefining Overwork
00:26:50 The Prevalence Inflation Effect: When Mental Health Awareness Backfires
00:29:15 Why Now Is the Golden Age for Performers
00:31:02 Why Aren't There More Women in Business Leadership?
00:33:17 The Wing, Pink Rooms, and Crochet: Where Women's Business Went Wrong
00:35:23 Business Creators vs Beauty Creators: The Audience Size Gap
00:37:23 The Great Gender Divergence: When Audiences Split
00:39:56 Why Social Media Kills Nuance and What We Can Do About It
00:41:49 The Anti-Trigger Experiment: Choosing Not to Be Emotionally Hijacked
00:44:42 Picking Your Battles and Avoiding Clickbait Temptation
00:45:50 The Boring Business Cycle: From Mockery to Meme
00:47:27 Economic Hardship and the Make Money Space Boom
00:48:20 Caring What Smart People Think and the Resume of Failures
00:51:18 The Irony of Big Opportunities and Trouble Delegating

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(Q&A) Fear of Failure, Morning Routines, and... Manifesting?

Mark Manson — Wed, 01 May 2024 14:00:00 -0000

A week ago, we hit 2M subs on YouTube and 10M podcast downloads, and I promised a special Q&A episode of the pod—which turned out to be more fun than I expected.

Jump in on this celebratory episode, where I rapid fire through some of the most interesting questions sent in by you guys.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: 10 Million Downloads and Open Q&A
00:00:49 Building a Strong Marriage: The Keys to a Healthy Relationship
00:03:25 No Book Plans and Avoiding Burnout
00:04:16 Three Big Lessons from the Last Five Years
00:06:33 Tough Love for Content Creators: Stop Comparing Yourself to LeBron
00:07:32 The Truth About Manifestation and Cognitive Biases
00:09:40 Reframing Failure: Why You Should Never Get Over Your Fear
00:10:52 Luck Is a Skill: How Activity Creates Coincidences
00:13:27 Morning Routines Are Overrated (But Nighttime Routines Aren't)
00:14:45 Is There Such a Thing as Healthy Shame?
00:16:29 Exercise and Sobriety: The 18-Month Process Nobody Shows You
00:21:25 Overcoming Envy: You Can't Cherry-Pick Someone's Life
00:22:21 Don't Fight Your Insecurities—Befriend Them
00:22:52 YouTube vs. Blogging: Why Video Requires Better Ideas
00:25:13 Differentiate Yourself: What Needs to Be Said That Nobody's Saying?
00:26:51 Social Media Addiction: It Depends on Who's Using It
00:30:33 Goals Should Serve You, Not the Other Way Around
00:32:46 Moderation in Everything, Including Moderation
00:33:36 From Mediocre Student to Music School to Finding Writing at 27
00:36:47 Stop Optimizing Your Life: Focus on What Actually Excites You
00:38:16 Bad Life Advice: The Minimalist Trap and Why Commitments Create Meaning
00:40:02 Staying Humble While Being Ambitious
00:41:39 The Social Media Trade-Off: Choose Your Suck
00:43:06 The Brutal Truth About Music Careers: Set a Deadline
00:45:59 Social Comparison Is Human: Compare Yourself to the Right People
00:47:07 Relationship Values: When Compromise Works and When It Doesn't
00:48:57 Getting Over Your Ex: Five Steps to Moving Forward
00:50:40 NoFap and Pornography: Finding Beauty in Real People
00:52:50 Witold Pilecki: The Most Badass WWII Hero You've Never Heard Of
00:53:50 Speaking Up About Injustice: Raising the Bar in the Age of Outrage
00:55:43 What Fuels My Soul and What's Next for the Podcast

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The Stoic Secrets to a Good Life (ft. Ryan Holiday)

Mark Manson — Wed, 24 Apr 2024 14:00:00 -0000

There’s an ancient philosophy that could actually help you give fewer f*cks, and unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard of it.

Stoicism has been helping people manage their stress and anxiety for thousands of years and today, it’s more relevant than ever.

@ryanholiday is the New York Times Bestselling author of multiple books on Stoicism. He believes that Stoicism is the framework that can help you be a normal person in an increasingly crazy world.

Today’s episode dives into the life-altering benefits of following a philosophy that encourages you to focus on what you can control, and fuck the rest.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: Why Stoicism Resonates in the Social Media Age
00:02:01 What Do You Give Too Many Fucks About?
00:03:48 Control, Anxiety, and Why Stoicism Appealed to Ryan
00:05:29 The Unexpected Success of The Obstacle Is the Way
00:09:45 How Success Changed Ryan's Relationship with Stoicism
00:12:00 What Ryan Gives Too Few Fucks About: Presence and Relationships
00:14:06 The Pandemic Reset: Taking a Year Off and Choosing Family
00:18:39 Regret, Guilt, and Grieving the Life You Could Have Had
00:17:30 Ryan's Legendary Productivity and the Cost of Optimization
00:24:13 Carrying Your Own Weight and Making Amends
00:25:55 What Most People Give Too Many Fucks About
00:29:13 Inherited Assumptions and the Adapted Child
00:31:19 Marriage, Different Definitions, and Renegotiating Meaning
00:33:28 The Nuclear Family Trap and Unreasonable Expectations
00:35:35 What Most People Give Too Few Fucks About: Other People's Suffering
00:38:53 The Implementation Problem: Theory vs. Reality
00:42:20 The Need for Chaos: Why Some People Want to Watch the World Burn
00:44:30 The Long Game: Why Moral Progress Takes Sustained Commitment
00:47:29 Closing: Right Thing Right Now and Paying It Forward

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7 Underrated Habits for a Better Life (and 7 Overrated Ones Too)

Mark Manson — Wed, 17 Apr 2024 14:00:00 -0000

I just heard about the “bed rotting” trend on social media and I think I need a minute.

Because if the kids think staying in bed all day eating pizza and doom scrolling is a form of rejuvenation then I’m calling bullshit on self-care.

Today’s episode is a fun one. Drew and I have a long list of common self-improvement practices and I’m scoring them as overrated or underrated or, “it depends.”

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: The Overrated vs. Underrated Game
00:01:46 Goals: Why You Should Quit More Often
00:03:40 Self-Care: The Bed Rotting Problem
00:06:46 Romance Is Overrated and Why Love Isn't Enough
00:09:55 Friendship: As Important as Smoking 15 Cigarettes a Day
00:11:26 Therapy: Finding the Right Fit Matters More Than Credentials
00:17:03 Purpose: When Everything Doesn't Need to Be Meaningful
00:19:46 Dancing and Music: The Underrated Mood Intervention
00:22:43 Politics: The Reality TV Drug Ruining Your Life
00:26:24 Journaling: Properly Rated but Not All Journals Are Equal
00:30:34 Saunas Are Underrated, Cold Plunges Are Overrated
00:35:11 Psychedelics: The Clinical vs. Optimization Divide
00:41:58 God and Religion: The Atheist's Case for Church
00:47:13 Gratitude: It Depends on Who You Are

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How Bad Therapy Can Harm a Generation (ft. Abigail Shrier)

Mark Manson — Wed, 10 Apr 2024 14:00:00 -0000

If the story of humanity is about loss, privation, suffering, and resilience, why are kids having nervous breakdowns about bad grades?

In today’s episode, I talked to Abigail Shrier about what parents and mental health experts are inadvertently doing to rob young people of the resilience and grit that past generations had.

It’s a spicy one. Enjoy.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: The Mental Health Paradox
00:01:14 What Inspired Bad Therapy
00:02:25 How Schools Became Therapy Sessions
00:03:44 Why Therapy Is Different for Kids
00:05:34 Defining Bad Therapy
00:09:29 The Problem With Social-Emotional Learning
00:13:13 The Fragility Epidemic: Mental Health Days and Dysregulation
00:14:16 The Power of Suggestion: How Diagnosis Creates Illness
00:15:25 Trauma Narratives and Post-Traumatic Growth
00:17:11 The Theory of Pain Relativity
00:18:18 The Barnum Effect and Mental Health Self-Diagnosis
00:19:43 Finding the Goldilocks Zone: Acknowledging Pain Without Dwelling
00:20:49 Emotional Hypochondria: Magnifying Normal Pain
00:22:33 Feeling Good vs. Being Good
00:23:39 Parents as Amateur Therapists: The Parenting Book Problem
00:24:13 Why Kids Need Authority, Not Friends
00:26:17 The Importance of Consequences and Dependability
00:30:05 The Trauma Guru Effect: Why Parents Are Afraid to Say No
00:32:15 Threat Inflation: Overprotecting in Real Life, Underprotecting Online
00:33:24 Sending Vulnerable Adults Into the World
00:33:52 How Researching the Book Changed Abigail's Parenting
00:35:32 The Collective Action Problem and Parental Insecurity
00:36:58 The Execution Gap: High Talent, Low Follow-Through
00:38:15 The Western Phenomenon: Immigrant Perspectives
00:39:27 The Latino Immigrant Paradox and Mental Health Outcomes
00:40:25 Political Differences in Mental Health: Liberal vs. Conservative Families
00:42:19 Curated Conversations and the Loss of Authenticity
00:43:40 The Quirks That Make Us Love People
00:46:39 Setting Boundaries: When the Therapist Stands Between You
00:48:16 The Relationship Advice Paradox
00:49:05 Ugly: A Father-Daughter Story About Authentic Love
00:50:17 What Parents Can Actually Do
00:51:28 Scraped Knees and Resilience
00:52:32 The Medication Problem: When Diagnosis Becomes Demoralization
00:54:44 The ADHD Story: Learning to Manage Without Medication
00:56:32 Anxiety as Superpower: The Adaptive Value of Mental Diversity
00:58:05 Emotionally Stable Systems: The Benefits of Being Slightly Crazy
01:00:48 Your Superpower Is Also Your Weakness
01:01:36 Zero Fucks Given: Surviving Irreversible Damage Backlash

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Why It's So Hard to Make Friends as an Adult

Mark Manson — Wed, 03 Apr 2024 14:00:00 -0000

Making friends is hard, and unfortunately, as you get older, it gets harder.

In this episode, we look at research behind friendships, plus the complicating factors people experience in making new friends as they get older.

And for anyone struggling with their social lives, we share practical tips on how to meet and keep new friends.

Enjoy and, good luck out there.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: Mexico City Birthday Trip and Getting Robbed
00:04:20 Why Travel Builds Intimacy Faster
00:05:33 The Four Variables That Create Friendship
00:07:59 Remote Work Is Killing Workplace Friendships
00:11:16 The Partner and Kids Problem
00:13:55 When Your Friends Have Kids
00:18:50 The Friendship Paradox of Your Twenties
00:22:46 College: The Friendship Utopia We Can't Recreate
00:24:38 Be Aggressive on Hobbies and Interests
00:31:50 The Follow-Up Problem
00:34:11 Lead With Generosity
00:36:22 The Four Levels of Friendship
00:41:47 Why Friendship Matters More Than Romance
00:42:30 Final Wisdom: If You Want a Friend, Be a Friend

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Founder of Eight Companies Explains: How to Take Massive Action (ft. Noah Kagan)

Mark Manson — Wed, 27 Mar 2024 14:00:00 -0000

Social media messes with our expectations because it convinces us that we should be doing everything, everywhere, all at once.

But the reality is that we should focus on doing one or two things extremely well, in one place, consistently over a long period of time.

Today on the pod, I talk to Noah Kagan, multi-millionaire and multi-business owner, about the type of consistency and habits that lead to wealth.

Noah created his own wealth out of self-belief, learning from failing and being careful with what he gives a fuck about. Noah’s story is compelling as he shares how he found success over decades, by never ceasing to try.

If you’re looking for some raw talk to get you motivated to go out and do cool shit, this is the episode to sink your energy into. Enjoy.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: What Don't You Give a Fuck About?
00:02:43 The Coffee Challenge: Practicing Rejection
00:03:40 Rejection Goals and Taking Action
00:15:23 Figuring Out What You Actually Want
00:18:23 The Journey to Self-Acceptance
00:19:41 Having Something to Look Forward To
00:21:08 The Quality of Your Friendships
00:23:40 Fame, Attention, and Ego
00:25:58 The Will Smith Slap and Being Human
00:32:35 The Slow Ramp Up: How Success Really Happens
00:33:41 Getting Fired From Facebook and Mint
00:44:40 The Power of Starting With One Dollar
00:38:47 Leadership, Self-Awareness, and CEO Surveys
00:51:41 Less Ambitious Goals for Longer Periods
00:55:33 YouTube, Knocking on Doors, and Asking the Right Questions
01:00:12 Mark's Failed Man-on-the-Street Video
01:01:50 The Videos Mark Is Most Proud Of
01:06:43 Hedonic Adaptation and Managing Expectations
01:10:47 Owning Your Word: The Subtle Art of Embracing Your Brand
01:12:30 Closing Thoughts: Did I Give Too Many Fucks?

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Why Modern Society Makes Us Feel More Lonely

Mark Manson — Wed, 20 Mar 2024 14:00:00 -0000

I came across some mildly terrifying statistics on loneliness and wanted to figure out what was going on.

In this episode Drew and I break down three paradoxes we're calling “The Three Paradoxes of Modern Loneliness” and they are as follows:

We are more connected than ever, yet loneliness is at an all-time high
The more urbanized our lifestyles become, the lonelier we become
Despite being more social, young people are becoming lonelier than older people

Join us as we dig into the data and discuss why this all might be happening and what we can do about it. Check it out.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 The Loneliness Crisis: Shocking Statistics
00:00:55 Paradox 1: More Connected, More Lonely
00:02:50 The Momentum of Intimacy and Social Sorting
00:06:46 From Social Graph to Interest Graph: The TikTok Shift
00:08:30 Empty Calories: Why Digital Interactions Don't Satisfy
00:10:51 Dating Apps and the Superficiality Problem
00:14:09 The Missing Accountability: Why Everyone's Meaner Online
00:16:17 Paradox 2: Urban Loneliness in Crowded Cities
00:19:13 Social Infrastructure: The Key to Urban Connection
00:20:54 Living Alone: The 400% Increase and What It Means
00:24:00 The Marriage Question: Quality Up, Quantity Down
00:27:13 Paradox 3: Why Gen Z Is the Loneliest Generation
00:29:14 Trading Weed for TikTok: The Teen Mental Health Crisis
00:31:38 Interpersonal Neurobiology: Why Face-to-Face Matters
00:33:48 The Takeaway: We're Failing Our Kids

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Productivity Expert Explains: How to Accomplish Far More While Working Less (ft. Cal Newport)

Mark Manson — Wed, 13 Mar 2024 14:16:21 -0000

What if there was a way accomplish meaningful work—without the associated relationship breakdowns or stress? What if “making an impact” didn’t require massive amounts of energy or sacrifice? What if you could get more done by doing less?

In this episode, I talk to Cal Newport about how knowledge work has got it all wrong. We discuss the subtle dangers of remote/digital work and the key to avoiding burnout, all while still being able to grind on the things you love.

If you’re a stressed out, overworked remote worker, this one is for you.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 The Burnout Epidemic: Why Flexibility Isn't Fixing the Problem
00:01:22 Meet Cal Newport: The Professor Who Sold 20 Million Books Without Social Media
00:02:52 What Is Slow Productivity?
00:04:17 The History of Productivity: From Factories to Knowledge Work
00:05:34 Pseudo-Productivity: The Activity Trap That's Killing Knowledge Workers
00:06:52 The Corporate Meeting Nightmare: Why Everything Takes 90 Minutes
00:08:30 Measuring Success on a Decade Scale: The John McPhee Example
00:10:52 Adapting Traditional Knowledge Work Principles to Modern Jobs
00:12:41 Take Longer: Why Doubling Your Timeline Produces Better Work
00:14:23 The Beatles and Sergeant Pepper: Balancing Ambition With Deadlines
00:18:37 Principle One: Do Fewer Things at Once
00:19:20 The Overhead Tax: Why Every Commitment Generates Hidden Work
00:20:55 Specialization Over Jack-of-All-Trades: A Team Management Lesson
00:22:16 Remote Work and the Invisible Overhead Tax
00:23:58 The Friction Paradox: Why Removing Barriers Makes Things Worse
00:26:49 Context Switching: The Productivity Poison
00:29:36 The Remote Work Paradox: Highest Satisfaction, Highest Burnout
00:31:07 Hybrid Work and the Meeting Explosion
00:33:01 Freedom as Anxiety: The Sartre Problem With Endless Options
00:36:44 Making Your Workload Transparent: The Shared Queue Solution
00:39:47 Pull vs. Push: The Manufacturing Lesson Knowledge Work Ignores
00:43:20 Video Production Bottlenecks: Applying Pull Systems to Content Creation
00:44:09 Principle Two: Work at a Natural Pace
00:46:15 The Beatles, Mark Twain, and Picasso: Variability Within Massive Output
00:47:03 Distinguishing Natural Pace From Procrastination
00:16:50 Lin-Manuel Miranda's Seven-Year Journey: Milestones Without Endless Time
00:49:49 The Anti-Productivity Movement vs. Slow Productivity
00:52:59 Principle Three: Obsess Over Quality
00:52:43 Self-Care vs. Self-Indulgence: Where's the Line?
00:55:25 Is Slow Productivity a Privileged Position?
00:58:36 Entry-Level Knowledge Work: Moving Up Through Rare and Valuable Skills
01:02:32 Gen Z: The Attention Span Crisis and Hidden Advantages
01:06:18 From Self-Destruction to Construction: Gen Z's Cultural Shift
01:07:56 Generational Evolution: From Follow Your Passion to Job Engineering
01:10:19 The MIT Theory Group: Where It All Began
01:09:09 Slow Productivity as an Umbrella Framework

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6 Things to Stop Doing in 2024 to Change Your Life

Mark Manson — Wed, 06 Mar 2024 15:00:00 -0000

What if the answer isn’t to do more? What if the answer is to want less?

I’ve always believed that subtracting from your life can produce better results than trying to add something. Generally, quitting a bad habit, or a bad mindset, or anything distracting, will have a bigger impact on your life than learning more.

This episode covers a few things I think we should stop doing to live a better life. Enjoy.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: 6 Things to Stop Doing in 2024
00:00:28 Stop Investing in Emotionally Unavailable People
00:03:01 The Trap of Taking People for Granted
00:03:52 Dating Apps, Addiction, and the EU Lawsuit Against Hinge
00:05:04 Stop Blaming Everyone Else for Your Problems
00:06:34 Algorithms, Social Media, and Human Nature
00:07:46 Social Media's Impact on Teenagers vs. Adults
00:09:36 Stop Comparing Yourself to Others: Instagram and Social Comparison
00:11:49 Healthy vs. Toxic Social Comparison
00:14:31 Social Media Hides the Ambiguity of Real Life
00:15:55 Stop Expecting Other People to Change
00:18:41 Why Changing Others Often Means Avoiding Changing Yourself
00:19:30 The Evolution of Giving Advice: From Arrogance to Humility
00:21:36 Be the Counterargument, Don't Make the Counterargument
00:23:05 Stop Burying Your Emotions: The Intellectualization Trap
00:24:38 Memory Gaps and Suppressed Emotions
00:26:28 The Balance Between Suppressing and Overindulging Emotions
00:28:15 Real Vulnerability vs. TikTok Vulnerability
00:30:46 Vulnerability, Honesty, and Freedom Are Linked
00:31:35 The Mental Health Conversation Problem
00:32:48 Stop Sacrificing Sleep for Productivity or Fun
00:34:30 The Individual Nature of Sleep Flexibility
00:36:30 Stop Drinking: Drew's Two-Year Sobriety Journey
00:38:29 What Sobriety Reveals About Yourself and Your Relationships
00:40:32 When Self-Destructiveness Was Cool
00:42:50 The 90s Rock Culture: A Retrospective
00:44:21 When You Don't Have Real Problems, You Invent Them

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The Surprising Benefits of Working Weird and Awful Jobs (ft. Derek Sivers)

Mark Manson — Wed, 28 Feb 2024 15:00:00 -0000

Successful people talk a lot about what made them successful. But they're rarely asked about all the things that went wrong.

What about all of the things that failed? Or all the times they got fired? Embarrassed themselves? Spent time in jobs that were just plain weird or awful?

No one asks this stuff. Until now of course.

In this episode, I talk to my friend Derek Sivers about the weird and awful jobs that eventually led him to become a millionaire. From circus ringleader to founder of one the most successful music start-ups of our time, this guy has a story to tell.

Derek Sivers is the author of four books, founder of CD Baby which he sold for $22 million (then gave most of it away), and just an all-around badass.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: The Jobs That Didn't Work Out
00:01:44 The Pig Show That Changed Everything
00:04:53 The Professional Pest: Getting Paid to Annoy College Students
00:08:50 Mark's Investment Banking Disaster
00:13:50 The Metaphorical Time Zone and Corporate Reality
00:17:48 Class Reunions and Working for Dreams, Not Money
00:19:46 Telemarketing and the Art of Not Being Yourself
00:24:30 Identity, Authenticity, and Cultural Differences
00:26:42 Mark's Three-Week Career as a Bouncer
00:30:07 The Value of Weird Jobs and Empathy
00:30:52 Comfort as a Trap and Keeping Your Baseline Low
00:42:22 Home as a Place With No Obstacles
00:34:14 Quitting the Marathon: When Goals Don't Serve You
00:35:25 The Landmark Forum and Life Having No Inherent Meaning
00:38:10 Investing in Skills Over Paychecks
00:31:51 The Horizon Principle: Why Hardship Doesn't Feel Hard
00:39:42 What Cities Whisper: New York, Luxury, and Success
00:48:12 Being Around Greatness: Geography and Ambition
00:44:22 How Derek Became a Japanese Rock Star
00:55:46 Alan Tepper and Creating Your Own Job
00:58:39 Mark's Career as a Men's Dating Coach
01:01:40 Transactional Thinking and Missing Father Figures
01:03:59 The Teacher Learns More Than the Student
01:06:34 Wrap-Up: Failed Jobs That Made Us Who We Are

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6 Important Truths No One Likes to Hear

Mark Manson — Wed, 21 Feb 2024 15:00:00 -0000

The most important truths in life are the ones we don’t like to hear.

In fact, I managed to make an entire career out of sharing these types of truths because the stuff we don’t like hearing is often what we need to hear the most.

In this episode I have a lot of fun going through—one-by-one—six nuggets of wisdom, designed to make us all less awful humans. So saddle up bitches, I’m here to break hearts today.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: Important Truths No One Likes to Hear
00:00:32 Truth 1: If You Think You Have a Problem, You Do
00:02:51 The Backwards Law and Gratitude Practices
00:07:55 Why Your Solutions Stop Working Over Time
00:09:44 California Groupthink and Finding Your People
00:12:14 Truth 2: Sexy Results Come From Boring Work
00:15:41 Music School, Practice Rooms, and Perfectionism
00:17:29 Exercise: Consistency Beats Extreme Workouts
00:18:47 Truth 3: Consistency Matters More Than Intensity
00:20:47 Relationships Need Small Gestures, Not Grand Ones
00:22:32 Kevin Kelly's Parenting Advice and High Leverage Moments
00:26:42 Marathon Training: Run Slow to Get Fast
00:26:58 Truth 4: People Feel About You How You Feel About Yourself
00:30:06 Breaking the Vicious Cycle: Setting Your First Boundaries
00:31:39 Truth 5: You'll Look Back on Today's Problems With Nostalgia
00:34:27 Learning to Appreciate Struggle in the Moment
00:37:53 The Bittersweetness of Hard Times
00:39:33 Truth 6: The Only Common Factor in Your Problems Is You
00:40:43 Mark and Fernanda's Community Problem Across Three Cities
00:42:31 Locus of Control and The Responsibility-Fault Fallacy
00:45:29 Recap: Six Truths No One Wants to Hear

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What Everyone Gets Wrong About Mental Health (ft. Lori Gottlieb)

Mark Manson — Wed, 14 Feb 2024 15:00:00 -0000

Could it be that today’s increased awareness about emotions, and our obsession with mental health issues, are actually causing more mental health issues? More people are doing therapy, but are those people potentially doing it wrong?

Therapist, counselor, and author Lori Gottlieb says that a lot of our culture’s approach to mental health is wrong.

In today’s podcast, we discuss what it takes to do therapy effectively. We discuss the prevalence of mental health content online and why that may be a bad thing. We talk about how people’s misunderstandings of vulnerability and boundaries can backfire. And we get into the effect social media might be having on this.

Enjoy.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: What If We're Getting Therapy Wrong?
00:01:25 How to Actually Do Therapy Well
00:03:25 Idiot Compassion vs. Wise Compassion
00:04:31 The Presenting Problem vs. The Real Problem
00:06:28 The Prisoner Shaking the Bars
00:08:23 Coming to Unknow Yourself
00:09:55 How to Take Advice Well and the Help-Rejecting Complainer
00:13:40 Defense Mechanisms: Why We Cling to What Hurts Us
00:15:40 The Toxic Rescuer Dynamic
00:18:03 The Stages of Change and Why Maintenance Matters Most
00:20:53 The Ripple Effects of Change Nobody Talks About
00:21:59 When Your Partner Doesn't Want You to Change
00:24:09 Small Changes vs. Extreme Overhauls
00:25:27 The Mental Health Crisis Paradox
00:26:43 Why Men Think They're the Only Ones
00:30:00 The Permission to Be Human
00:32:30 The Danger of Trauma Inflation and Concept Creep
00:33:49 Rupture and Repair: The Lost Art of Relationship
00:34:50 The Prevalence Inflation Hypothesis
00:36:51 Performative Vulnerability vs. Real Vulnerability
00:38:30 Choose Your Audience: Vulnerability Isn't for Everyone
00:40:02 Boundaries Are With Yourself, Not Others
00:41:18 The Cut-Off Culture and the Loneliness Epidemic
00:43:28 Flexibility: The Number One Quality in a Partner
00:44:11 Sometimes the Friction Is the Point
00:45:23 When Therapy Becomes the Problem
00:46:28 The Worst Business Model Ever: Knowing When to Leave Therapy
00:48:53 The Human Condition as It Happens
00:50:53 Authenticity Over Credentials
00:51:39 What's Next and the TV Adaptation

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3 Questions That Determine 99% of Your Happiness

Mark Manson — Wed, 07 Feb 2024 15:00:00 -0000

We all overestimate how much you have to do to actually be happy.

But what if I told you that achieving happiness is much simpler than you think? That’s right, the smallest lifestyle changes can have the most unexpected knock-on effects towards positive change. It’s actually quite incredible once you experience it.

In today’s episode of the pod, we delve into the 3 of the most important questions that you can ask yourself in determining your own levels of happiness. These are questions worth asking.

Make me happy by liking and reviewing the episode. Make someone else happy by sharing it with them.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: The Three Questions That Determine Happiness
00:00:39 Question 1: How Well Am I Treating My Body?
00:02:32 The Spiritual Side of Self-Discipline
00:03:02 Mark's Health Journey: From External to Internal Motivation
00:04:04 The Surprising Benefits of Quitting Alcohol
00:07:03 The Knock-On Effects: How Feeling Good Changes Everything
00:08:26 Question 2: Who Am I Spending My Time With and Why?
00:11:03 Don't Take Good Friends for Granted
00:13:16 The Loneliness Epidemic and the Harvard Study
00:15:19 The Hippies Were Right: It's All About Love
00:16:05 Question 3: What Am I Working On and Why?
00:16:55 Cal Newport's Insight: Get Good First, Passion Follows
00:18:43 The Secretary Who Loved Her Job for 60 Years
00:19:54 Why Your Hobby Should Stay a Hobby
00:22:28 Drew's Woodworking: A Case Study in Pure Passion
00:24:47 Mark's Profound Realization: I Love the Business, Not Just Writing
00:27:45 Grading Ourselves on the Three Questions
00:29:36 Mark's Social Life Challenge: Finding Community While Sober
00:31:04 California Sober and LA Party Culture
00:32:02 Wrap-Up and Newsletter Invitation

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The Self-Improvement Paradox: When Trying to Get Better Feels Worse

Mark Manson — Wed, 31 Jan 2024 15:00:00 -0000

What do you do when trying to improve your life makes you feel worse? What if trying to be better comes across as ‘try-hard’? What if setting more goals is just your way of avoiding your own bullshit?

This is the topic of discussion in today’s episode, “The Self-Improvement Paradox”—or in other words, why sometimes trying to be better makes you feel worse. It turns out improving yourself is nuanced and complicated.

Who would have thought?

Check it out.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:01:37 Question #1: When is improving yourself being try-hard?
00:10:35 Question #2: How do you balance improving yourself with accepting yourself?
00:20:14 Question #3: Is too much self-esteem really that big of a problem?

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Sex, Drugs, and Money Might Actually Make You Happier (ft. Sonja Lyubomirsky)

Mark Manson — Wed, 24 Jan 2024 17:32:48 -0000

Imagine if you could sit down with one of the world’s leading happiness researchers and ask her, one by one, what actually makes people happier and what doesn’t?

Well, that’s basically what I did.

In this episode, Sonja and I get deep into the subject of happiness. One by one, we conclude which of life’s simple and not-so-simple pleasures are underrated or overrated. Some of the answers will definitely surprise you.

Do yourself a favor—watch, like, and share the happiness.

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5 Life-Changing Lessons From Visiting 75 Countries

Mark Manson — Wed, 17 Jan 2024 15:00:00 -0000

If you’ve ever been stuck working some BS desk job thinking there’s got to be more to life, then you were right. There’s travel.

High-quality, intentional travel is one of the most transformational experiences a person can have. Without a doubt, my 10 years living abroad made me more confident, more self-assured, and ultimately more educated about the world and the people in it.

It also informed a lot of the philosophy that I've written about over the past 10 years—the counterintuitive approach that so many people have come to love.

This episode dives into the key takeaways I got from my years of traveling. I can’t be sure, but I think they might inspire you as much as they have me. Enjoy.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:01:42 How it all began
00:04:18 Lesson #1: Everything is a trade-off
00:08:48 Lesson #2: Happiness is cheap, dignity is expensive
00:16:52 Lesson #3: Solo travel is great for personal development
00:22:07 Lesson #4: Most people are good
00:28:27 Lesson #5: Some cultures produce better outcomes than others
00:36:32 Mark’s travel tips

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Why Everyone's Social Skills Are Getting Worse (ft. David Brooks)

Mark Manson — Wed, 10 Jan 2024 15:13:19 -0000

People are becoming increasingly lonely and are unable to relate to one another. Yet we have more access to more people than ever before. What's going on? Is it technology? Is social media replacing our sense of community with the empty calories of the sweet, sweet For You feed? Or maybe it’s the deterioration of the nuclear family — fewer kids are being born and being raised by fewer parents. Or is it the lack of religion in public life? Or the geographic exodus from small towns and communities towards big anonymous cities? Or the economic inequality and complete loss of work/life balance? These are questions that I, and renowned journalist and author David Brooks, unpack together as we nose dive into the social and emotional disconnect of millions of people.Need lessons on how to talk to the barista making your coffee? Looking to build a better relationship with Gary from across the fence? This episode won’t make you a master of communication overnight, but it’s a fascinating conversation packed with useful insight from beginning to end.Listen to it.

David Brooks on Twitter @nytdavidbrooks: https://twitter.com/nytdavidbrooksDavid Brooks’ column: https://www.nytimes.com/column/david-brooksDavid's new book “How to Know a Person:” https://www.amazon.com/How-Know-Person-Seeing-Others/dp/059323006X

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:02:46 Why we’re in a social crisis
00:05:55 The harsh judgment of social media
00:08:06 The growth of distrust
00:10:57 The decline of the traditional family
00:15:14 On communitarian cultures
00:16:24 Making America more “relationalist”
00:18:19 The Scandinavian and Israeli success
00:20:33 Is this success replicable in a diverse society?
00:23:32 The vice of today’s generation
00:29:19 David’s take on politics
00:32:11 Mark on the evolution of self-help
00:33:57 The recession of religion
00:38:33 Friction is the point
00:39:46 The “second mountain”
00:46:42 What we’re really motivated by
00:49:55 Can we go straight to the “second mountain”?

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What Everyone Gets Wrong About Goals

Mark Manson — Thu, 04 Jan 2024 00:23:54 -0000

It’s 2024 and hopefully you haven’t already given up on your goals for the year.

Today, we’re going to talk about the best and worst ways to set goals. We’ll talk about the factors that make you more likely to achieve your goals, why you lose motivation by week three, and the most common error everyone makes when deciding to change themselves for the better. We’ll also be sharing some of our personal goal disasters along the way to learn what not to do.

We’d also like you to share your goals with us! Details on how to do that are here.

Happy New Year.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 | Introduction
00:01:07 | Mistake #1: Aiming too high
00:03:01 | Mistake #2: Doing everything at once
00:09:29 | Mistake #3: Neglecting systems
00:13:26 | Mistake #4: Not making it fun
00:16:19 | Mistake #5: Making it too easy
00:17:13 | Mistake #6: Doing it for others
00:25:12 | Extrinsic vs intrinsic motivation in goal setting
00:30:18 | Mark’s 2024 goal
00:34:43 | Drew’s 2024 goal
00:41:32 | Your 2024 goals

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How to Enjoy Doing Hard Things (ft. Ali Abdaal)

Mark Manson — Wed, 27 Dec 2023 15:00:00 -0000

It’s easy to assume that the hustle culture or “the grind” is all about pain and suffering. But as you’ll learn today, this simply isn’t true.

In today’s episode, I’m talking to Ali Abdaal, a former medical doctor turned YouTuber and author of the new book, Feel-Good Productivity. Ali has attracted millions of global followers to his ideas on productivity and working because he’s managed to do what others have not: actually make it fun. It turns out that finding ways to make your work fun doesn’t just make you hate your life less, it actually makes you more productive.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 | Introduction
00:03:38 | Our biggest misconception about productivity
00:05:38 | Emotions and productivity
00:08:47 | Mark’s epiphany on book writing
00:10:12 | Compounding returns on productivity
00:12:09 | Should we have zero distractions?
00:14:38 | Skills behind Ali’s success as a doctor and YouTuber
00:18:12 | What happens when you stop having fun
00:19:15 | “It’s all creative work”
00:22:26 | Making fitness fun
00:27:07 | The two types of productivity advice
00:32:55 | Can work-life balance get you to success?
00:35:27 | How to “feel good” in productivity
00:39:21 | The problem with caring too much what others think
00:42:52 | Experimentation as Ali’s way of life

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How to Stop Wasting Your Life (ft. Oliver Burkeman)

Mark Manson — Wed, 20 Dec 2023 15:00:00 -0000

Do you worry that you might be wasting your life? That you’re doing things that don’t feel important? Are you constantly anxious about your to-do list?

Is your mind blown that it’s 2024 already?!?

This week, I’ve enlisted the help of my friend Oliver Burkeman, author of the bestseller Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, to help us get a handle on using time wisely.

In this episode, we’re going to look at how our perception of time shapes our self-image, how it’s often advantageous to choose to be bad at something, why people-pleasing doesn’t actually please people, and a whole lot more.

Oliver Burkeman is a renowned journalist and author, known for his unique ability to seamlessly blend philosophy and psychology to bring a fresh and counterintuitive take to classic self-help subjects.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 | Introduction
00:03:22 | Our relationship with time
00:05:49 | A better way of looking at time
00:07:32 | “Strategic underachievement”
00:11:16 | How to stop people-pleasing
00:14:58 | Being a net positive at social events
00:18:45 | “Don’t try to change the world”
00:21:01 | Our toxic relationship with time and the art of “being present”
00:30:41 | “Effortless action”
00:32:53 | Buddhist influences on Oliver’s work
00:37:51 | Our primary misconception about time management
00:39:01 | Oliver’s final word of wisdom

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7 Paradoxes That Will Change How You See Everything

Mark Manson — Wed, 13 Dec 2023 17:26:25 -0000

Some of the most important truths in life are found in paradoxes. Paradoxes seem like opposites on the surface, but once you look deeper beneath what are seeming contradictions, there are real grains of wisdom that emerge.

In this episode, I cover some of the most life-changing paradoxes I’ve ever come across, and discuss how they can improve how you approach your life.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 | Introduction
00:00:49 | Paradox #1: The more choices you have, the less happy you will be
00:07:25 | Paradox #2: Hard choices, easy life
00:11:45 | Paradox #3: What you hate in others, you’re avoiding in yourself
00:17:35 | Paradox #4: The more afraid you are of failing, the more likely you are to fail
00:21:48 | Paradox #5: The more something makes you uncomfortable, the more you should do it
00:26:15 | Paradox #6: The more connected we get, the more isolated we feel
00:31:10 | Paradox #7: The more afraid you are of death, the less you will enjoy life

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How to Give Up Everything to Save Yourself (ft. Matt from Yes Theory)

Mark Manson — Thu, 07 Dec 2023 05:47:31 -0000

In 2021, Matt from Yes Theory, one of YouTube's biggest channels, revealed he was quitting the platform.Despite being an internet celebrity, Matt's story is a common one—about someone who gave away too much of themselves to be liked by others, and now desperately trying to get themselves back. In this episode, Matt and I unpack this familiar dilemma, as well as covering topics like codependence, managing success, dealing with parasocial relationships, determining when vulnerability goes too far, and much more.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:01:59 Why Matt’s giving up his dream
00:09:00 The challenges fame brings
00:14:14 How to mature in the spotlight
00:17:45 The incredible story of Yes Theory
00:21:53 Losing boundaries in the world of fame
00:26:54 Performing, not living
00:27:58 How much of yourself to share as a creator
00:35:44 Matt’s top tip for being a creator
00:37:29 Intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation in creative work
00:43:52 Matt’s biggest takeaway from his career
00:48:06 How Matt went from hating to loving his book
00:51:56 What makes the Yes Theory team work
00:53:54 What’s next for Matt
00:57:28 Fuck, Marry, Kill

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7 Life Lessons I Wish I Knew Sooner

Mark Manson — Wed, 29 Nov 2023 15:00:00 -0000

A comprehensive list of lessons you shouldn’t wait too long to learn.

In this episode, I’m sharing 7 important lessons I learned far too late in life. I’m doing this so that you don’t have to live through as many clusterfucks as I did to find a bit of peace in life.

Some of these lessons you may already know, some may surprise you. But they’re all guaranteed to help you live a better life.

This is your one and only chance to not repeat my godawful mistakes. So get into it.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:00:36 Lesson #1: People respect you only as much as you respect yourself
00:06:02 Lesson #2: You give power to those you blame
00:10:40 Lesson #3: The quality of your relationships dictates the quality of your life
00:17:31 Lesson #4: People aren't thinking about you as much as you think they are
00:23:39 Lesson #5: Nothing meaningful in life is easy
00:28:38 Lesson #6: Love occurs in proportion to your willingness to get hurt
00:34:36 Lesson #7: Be slow to judge. Everyone is doing their best

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Is Technology Ruining Our Minds? (ft. Scott Barry Kaufman, PhD)

Mark Manson — Wed, 22 Nov 2023 23:50:10 -0000

Do I exist if I’m not on social media? Can I fake it till I make it? What’s the secret to a good life?

In this week’s episode, I enlist my old friend and host of the wildly popular The Psychology Podcast, Scott Barry Kaufman, PhD. to dissect our psyche in the social media age.

Reflecting on his personal experience and drawing on a wealth of psychological research, Scott asks—and answers—questions that might reveal aspects of yourself you never knew were there, and set you on the path to a better life.

We’re going to dive deep and get existential. We’re going to talk neurodiversity, vulnerability, and Batman. What more can you ask for?

Exactly. Go get it.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: From Special Ed to the Top 0.05%
00:02:22 Breaking Out: The Teacher Who Changed Everything
00:05:36 The Problem With Standardized Testing and IQ
00:07:54 Neurodivergence: When a Term Loses Its Meaning
00:10:12 The Identity Crisis Generation
00:13:43 Confident Vulnerability vs. Lowercase vulnerability
00:18:57 Social Media and the Anxious Generation
00:20:56 Do You Exist Without a Social Media Presence?
00:24:10 The Legibility Problem: When Status Games Go Public
00:27:16 Scott's Twitter Break and Living Without the Algorithm
00:28:46 Mastery Goals vs. Performance Goals
00:31:58 When Psychological Concepts Get Watered Down
00:34:37 Healthy Authenticity: Four Components That Matter
00:36:13 Fake It Till You Make It: Does It Actually Work?
00:39:18 Behavioral Activation: Act First, Think Later
00:44:28 Just Get in the Arena
00:46:56 The Victimhood Mentality Across All Groups
00:50:28 The Self-Help Industry's Dirty Secret
00:51:49 Fuck, Marry, Kill: Psychology Edition
00:55:25 The Truth About Therapy Effectiveness

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How to Know When to End a Relationship

Mark Manson — Wed, 15 Nov 2023 15:00:00 -0000

Make up or break up? Knowing when to call it quits.

If you’ve ever been through a rough patch, you know this is a painful question to answer. Do you stick it out? Do you cut the cord and run? Do you sacrifice more to make it work? Do you demand your partner give up everything and run away to Fiji and live happily ever after?

These are the hard questions we answer in this episode.

To help us figure this out, I’m going to be roasting viewers’ relationships with their partners. I’m going to go over five real-world examples sent in from you, fans struggling with relationships, and in the process I’m going to share the three questions we must all ask ourselves to figure out if it’s time to break up.

So get your hot sauce ready, because shit’s about to get spicy. Maybe even have your partner join you for this one. It could be fun… or it could ruin your marriage.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: The Most Painful Question in Any Relationship
00:02:08 Question 1: When Your Partner Won't Take Responsibility
00:03:57 The First Essential Question: Are Both People Putting In Equal Effort?
00:08:40 Question 2: When Personal Growth Disrupts the Relationship
00:10:30 Identity Formation and Growing Apart vs. Growing Together
00:15:34 Question 3: Living Your Partner's Dream Instead of Your Own
00:16:56 What Real Compromise Looks Like: Mitigating Misery, Not Maximizing Happiness
00:22:09 The Second Essential Question: Are Compromises Making Things Better or Worse?
00:23:30 Question 4: The Commitment-Phobe Who Found Someone Perfect
00:25:52 Don't Break Up Over Mirages: The Power of Individual Identity in Relationships
00:29:16 Question 5: Three Breakups in Two Years and the Guilt of Walking Away
00:32:38 Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships: Feelings vs. Behaviors
00:35:27 The Third Essential Question: Are You Compromising Hoping They'll Change?
00:37:32 Final Takeaways: The Three Questions That Determine If You Should Stay or Go

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What Nobody Tells You About Getting Rich (ft. Morgan Housel)

Mark Manson — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 15:00:00 -0000

Everybody wants to get rich. But is the pursuit of wealth really about the money, or are we actually chasing something much deeper?

These are just a couple of the fun ideas I toss around in this episode with Morgan Housel, New York Times Bestselling author of the smash hit, The Psychology of Money, which has sold more than four million copies worldwide.

We’ll dig deep to uncover our relationship with money, answer the timeless question “Will getting rich make me happy?” and share some of Morgan’s best investing tips.

So put away your spreadsheets, step away from the credit card, and for god’s sake stop trading crypto for five seconds, and settle in for this one. We might just make you filthy fucking rich.

CHAPTERS

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction: Morgan Housel and The Psychology of Money
00:01:34 Why We Attach Moral Value to Wealth
00:02:58 The Relative Nature of Wealth and the Never-Ending Treadmill
00:03:55 Social Media and the Quantification of Status
00:06:49 Sustainability Over Short-Term Wins
00:09:14 Does Money Change You or Expose Who You Already Are?
00:12:11 The Hedonic Treadmill and the Pain of Losing Wealth
00:15:16 Learning to Handle Market Volatility and Panic Selling
00:18:11 Social Media, Meme Stocks, and the Death of Historical Evidence
00:19:57 The Velocity of Modern Markets and Why Individual Trading Fails
00:25:03 The Hidden Costs and Complications of Wealth
00:27:21 Money Doesn't Buy Happiness, It Buys Away Unhappiness
00:29:14 Social Debt: The Hidden Tax on Every Dollar of Wealth
00:30:38 The Quest for the Simple Life and Why Billionaires Divorce
00:36:00 Does Wealth Change Your Politics?
00:36:47 Raising Kids and Money: The Allowance System and Avoiding Spoiled Children
00:41:25 Nature vs. Nurture: Do Some People Just Have the Money Mind?
00:44:14 The Power of a Single Compliment and Finding Your Path
00:49:03 Same as Ever: What Never Changes in Human Behavior
00:52:53 Why Human Connection Will Always Trump AI
00:55:12 The Best and Worst Thing About You Are the Same Thing
00:57:54 Fuck, Marry, Kill: Investment Edition
01:02:02 Closing Thoughts and Where to Find Morgan

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